Here I find myself once again finding testimony in music...My inspiration comes from two songs in particular, "God Is Bigger" and "At Your Feet". I'll begin with the lighter side of my thoughts this time.
The first song, "God Is Bigger", is actually one written for children. It found its way into our vehicle by way of a free Veggie Tales CD from Chick-filet. Let me just stop and say how awesome I find it to have received a Christian CD with a kid's meal! Now, onto the words...You have to imagine the conversation of a child in reference to the things that cause him/her fear at night.
The child's solution is to "call the police". But a voice says, "You don't have to do that. You don't have to do anything." To which the child responds, "Why?" The voice says "Because..." and then the chorus goes as follows:
God is bigger than the Boogie Man
He's bigger than Godzilla
Or the monsters on T.V.
Oh, God is bigger than the Boogie Man
And He's watchin' out for you and me.
WOW! A very basic, fun children's song can be applied to us today as adults! Our things that go bump in the night, our boogie man, our monsters may be different than a child's. However, the message is the same for all of us--God IS watching out for us and He IS taking care of us!
I couldn't but chuckle when I first heard the song and thought,, "How cute!" But the more we listen to it, the more I listen to the message. As a child, things that make shadows on the wall are frightening. Imaginary monsters are scary. What a blessing for a child to be able to know this song's simple but powerful promise. What a blessing it will be for a child later in life to know this promise form God when he/she faces new monsters and boogie men.
This brought me back to the thoughts of my latest very dark time. I mentioned it in an earlier entry. My dark place had shadows on the wall--shadows of insecurity, shadows of self-doubt and low self-confidence. My dark place had a boogie man that brought me despair and depression. But then, I began to lean on the promise that God was watching over me and was taking care of me. And, slowly, the dark place became brighter and brighter until it was totally lit with Christ's love for me.
Was the boogie man gone? Were the shadows gone? No, but I could really see them in better light, see them for what they really were. Those shadows were not so big after all. And that boogie man, well, he was a pitiful little nothing of a creature. It became very evident that I had nothing to fear. Did everything magically get better? No.
In fact, in some ways, the real work had just begun. Once things were more clear and not so distorted, I was able to begin working through it all. I still have a lot of unanswered questions and hurt, but day by day these become less and less. The process was not originally a day by day process. In fact, it wasn't even an hour by hour process. At first, I had to work through it all minute by minute reminding myself to simply breathe.
As I leaned more heavily on God's promise to watch out for me and care for me, I found a renewed strength. I didn't have to bear it all on my own. The weight of my struggles was also shared by my Savior. Feeling less weighed down, less down-trodden, my spirits began to rise from the depths of my dungeon of hurt and pain. I found an increase in my self-confidence.
As I quit struggling to "do it on my own" and accepted the help from loved and trusted ones and allowed allowed God to shoulder my load, I began to believe that I could do it...I could do it by acknowledging that I COULD NOT do it with out God's help. I always believed and trusted God, but never had I had to be so dependent upon Him. Never had I had to so fully surrender myself.
Before my dark reached its depths, I had the opportunity to attend a Kutless/Casting Crowns concert. I was just beginning to face some struggles and went to this event with a heart yearning for some much-needed nourishment. My soul was searching for that closeness to God and His reassurance. When I left that concert, I left with my cup running over. I left with a calm. Little did I know that that was just the calm before the storm.
I guess that's why when the storm hit, I was totally caught off guard, or so I thought. That concert event gave me what I needed to draw on to make it through the eye of the storm to the other side. Did I come through with my "hair and make-up" in tact? No. The point is that though I looked as if I had weathered a storm (on the inside and the outside), I HAD WEATHERED IT! I survived it.
In fact with God's help, I not only survived it, I grew through the process. Though the forgiveness aspect has been tough, I am still working on it making a bit of progress each day. Each day I can release a bit more of my pain and hurt knowing that those who hurt me cannot take away the one sure thing in my life--my relationship with God. No matter what actions were taken against me, no matter what ill-words were spoken of me, those persons could not sway how my God loves me.
At the concert, I had many of what I call God moments. I was moved to tears countless times--tears of joy, tears of sorrow and hurt, tears of anger. But one song in particular spoke to my broken heart: "At Your Feet" by Casting Crowns. There are many times since that I have found myself needing those words. So much of the song seemed to be just for me. So, I am going to share it now with you.
"At Your Feet"
Here at Your feet, I lay my past down
My wanderings, all my mistakes down
And I am free
Here at Your feet, I lay this day down
Not in my strength, but in Yours I've found
All I need, You're all I need
Jesus, Jesus, at Your feet
Oh, to dwell and never leave
Jesus, Jesus, at Your feet
There is nowhere else for me
There is nowhere else for me
Here at Your feet, I lay my future down
All of my dreams, I give to You now
And I find peace, I find peace
Here at Your feet, I lay my life down
For You my King, You're all I want now
And my soul sings...
'Cause I am free (here at Your feet)
All I need (is at Your feet)
I find peace
We're at Your feet
We're at Your feet
And I am free (here at Your feet)
All I need (is at Your feet)
I find peace
We're at Your feet, we're at Your feet
We're at Your feet, we're at your feet
Here at Your feet, I lay my life down
What peace I found in this song! I began that night by letting things go and laying them down. i could no longer carry the weight of it all. I had to lay my life at Jesus' feet before I could take another step. This prepared me for what was to come, what would be some of the darkest days of my life.
When the dark closed in, I had to draw on that peace and strength that I had just discovered. I had to remind myself that in order to find the Light, I had to make my way to Jesus' feet. I had to place my life--my fears, my hurts, my joys, my hopes--at His feet. Then I only had to take His hand and look into His face. The strength began to rise inside me. The Light crept into my darkness. And, then I found true peace.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment