A Tribute

"Precious Child" by Karen Taylor-Good

In my dreams you are alive and well,
precious child, precious child
In my mind I see you clear as a bell,
precious child, precious child
In my soul there is a hole
that can never be filled.
But in my heart there is hope
'cause you are with me still.

In my heart you live on,
always there, never gone.
Precious child you left too soon
and though it may be true
that we're far apart,
you will live forever in my heart.

In my plans I was the first to leave,
precious child, precious child
But in this world I was left here to grieve,
precious child, my precious child.
In my soul there is a hole
that can never be filled.
But in my heart there is hope
and you are with me still.

In my heart you live on,
always there never gone.
Precious child you left too soon
and though it may be true
that we're far apart,
you will live forever in my heart.

God knows I want to hold you,
see you, touch you.
And surely there's a heaven,
so someday I will again.
Please know you're not forgotten until then.

In my heart you life on,
always there, never gone.
Precious child you left too soon
and though it may be true
that we're far apart,
you will live forever in my heart.

I came across this song when helping my sister find a song for a funeral. Amanda is very talented and has written choreography many times for our church's liturgical dance team. On this particular occasion, she was dancing for an even harder event--the service to celebrate the life of a young girl. Mattie was a special friend to the Burrow family that my nephew, Layton, met while at St. Jude Children's Research Hospital.

When Mattie relapsed for the last time, her parents began planning for the service. They asked Amanda to dance for the service. When I came across this song, I sat and listened and cried. Never had I felt such deep sorrow as when we experienced the loss of our niece, Erynn Lee Hebert. This song reopened those still fresh, deep wounds.

I have not spoken in depth about just how exactly the loss of one of her twin daughters made my sister-in-law feel. However, this song has to come close to some of those feelings. I know the words rang true to this broken heart of an aunt.

As the year anniversary of Erynn's death approached, this song found its way into my lap by way of a book with songs for funerals. As I read the words again, I found myself shedding tears. I found myself struggling, wanting to know answers to some of life's most difficult questions. I had not felt this type of feelings until Layton's illness.

As a grown woman and mother, I found myself struggling with my own faith as I sat at Layton's bedside and watched him fight for his life. I can remember wishing for the faith of a child--to be able to just let go and trust, without effort, that God would take care of it all.

How could a God who loves His children allow them to suffer like this? The cliches of "what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger" angered me so much. All of those questions I thought I, as a Christian, would never ask suddenly surged up from within my deepest hiding places. I wanted to know why about everything. I felt my faith falter and suddenly felt lost despite my lifelong acceptance of Christ as my Savior.

As Layton recovered and went into remission for his lukemia at St. Jude Children's Research Hospital, I felt somewhat strengthened in my faith. I had never really considered myself to be a "fair weather" Christian, but it was sort of looking like that was the definition of me. I still had weak spots when it came to following the stories of Layton's friends. Three of the five of that group that began treatment together for various illness have passed away. The question of why one child but not another rang over and over in my head.

That question hit home one year ago on November 23rd when our niece, Erynn Lee, died after a struggle with illness. But this time the question was more personal to me. It was so difficult to celebrate the miracle of Layton when faced with the tragedy of Erynn. I really wanted to know the answer to the question of ,"Why does God take one child but not another?"

The answer will never be found. But, I take comfort in the promises found in the Book of Revelation--there will be no more night, no more pain, no more suffering, no more illness, no more cancer...WE WILL LIVE IN THE LIGHT OF THE LAMB! Like the song said, God knows our hurt and pain, our sorrows and our losses. He sees every tear we cry and knows our hearts. The promise of our faith is that, though we temporarily lose loved ones in death, we will live forever with them in a new Earth, a new Jerusalem.

Nothing can fill the void left behind by the death of a loved one, especially by the death of a child. But, we do have hope for a future with them in the presence of our Lord. I pray for any of you who may have experienced such a loss that you may find peace in the promises of the Word. Know that it's okay to get mad at God, know that it's okay to ask Him those tough questions. But also know that whatever amount your heart hurts, His hurts just as much if not more. We are His children, so when we hurt, He does too! Lean wholly on Him for His shoulders are strong and carry whatever the load. He will get you through the pain and hurt and loss. Remember His promises to us for our futures together in Heaven.