"Never Let You Go"-Manafest
When you're awake and you can't believe your eyes
'Cause all the truth that you knew has turned to lies
When you're scared and you can't see past a day
Remember who holds tomorrow
Know his love will light the way
Hold on when everything is shaking
Stand strong when the ground is falling through
Reach out to my hand in the darkness
That's holding you
I'll be your peace in the waiting
Your strength when you're broken on the floor
Hold on, it's all worth fighting for
'Cause I will never let you go
I will never let you go
When you look in the mirror and you run away
'Cause all you see are the scars from yesterday
When the parade goes by and you fell alone
Never lose hope to sorrow
You're closer than you know
Hold on when everything is shaking
Stand strong when the ground is falling through
Reach out to my hand in the darkness
That's holding you
I'll be your peace in the waiting
Your strength when you're broken on the floor
Hold on it's all worth fighting for
'Cause I will never let you go
I will never let you go
When the road is hard and your faith is shaking
Never look back on the steps you're taking
You're more to me than you could ever know
Hold on when everything is shaking
Stand strong when the ground is falling through
Reach out to my hand in the darkness
I'm holding you
I'll be your peace in the waiting
Your strength when you're broken on the floor
Hold on it's all worth fighting for
'Cause I will never let you go...
I will never let you go
I will never let you go...
You're more to me than you could ever know
So, the new offshore position of hubby is still requiring adjustments 8 months later! Some hitches are easier than others. This hitch departure was horrible. As Josh walked out the door, I felt my heart sink. I felt so alone and sick all at once. Oh, the pain of him walking out the door that night...
And as I lay in bed with my eyes staring into the darkness, I prayed a simple prayer. "Dear God, please take this pain and give me peace. And please do the same for Josh." It was instant--the calm swept over me. The weight lifted and I had relief. I sometimes can not go back to sleep when Josh wakes me up to say his farewells at 2:00 AM. But this time, even after the awful pain, I had rest, true rest!!
God is there for us any time of day. God hears us when we pray. He is our calm in the storm. He may not calm the storms, but He brings us peace as we go through those times in our lives. And I know these promises to be true, so why do I doubt them or struggle to tough it out on my own? I reached out in the darkness and found His hand holding me.
The darkness was no longer empty and cold. I didn't feel alone anymore. The pain subsided, although it was still present. You see, the promises of peace and reassurance and strength and comfort and guidance...they are true. But, we still have to experience life. You know, if we never needed Him, would we still go to Him? By needing Him to fulfill those promises, He has opportunity to let His glory shine through us.
That night was a reaffirmation of God's promises to me. I don't get to skip all of the pain and struggles, but I don't have to experience it alone. i can have His hand to hold me in the darkness. I just have to reach out to grab it. My simple prayer was just a small thought, a portion of a conversation. But it was heard.
This song speaks to my past, present, and future. I have had times when I did look in the mirror and saw only the scars of my past. I can remember being trapped in sorrow. I remember, not that long ago, that I was broken on the floor. I couldn't see past an hour, much less a day!
But now, I know that I have a hand to reach out to...I have strength when I am weak...I matter to Him! Knowing all of this, and more, I am encouraged to not stare into the cold, empty darkness and feel alone. Instead, I reach out to His hand in the darkness and allow Him to hold me and carry me through the storm. And suddenly the dark is not so dark, and the night is not so cold and lonely. And my God is there with me.
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Sunday, March 25, 2012
"Hey...He's Singin' My Song"
"Everything You Do"--Steven Curtis Chapman
You're picking up toys on the living room floor for the 15th time today
Matching up socks
Sweeping up lost cheerios that got away
You put a baby on your hip
Color on your lips and head out the door
While I may not know you,
I bet I know you
Wonder sometimes does it matter at all?
Well let me remind you, it all matters just as long
As you do everything you do to the glory of the One who made you
Cause he made you,
To do
Every little thing that you do
To bring a smile to His face
Tell the story of His grace
With every move that you make
And every little thing you do
Maybe you're that guy with the suit and tie
Maybe your shirt says your name
You may be hooking up mergers
Cooking up burgers
But at the end of the day
Little stuff
Big stuff
In between stuff
God sees it all the same
While I may not know you
I bet I know you
Wonder sometimes, does it matter at all?
Well let me remind you, it all matters just as long as
You do everything you do to the glory of the One who made you,
Cause He made you
To do
Every little thing that you do
To bring a smile to His face
Tell the story of grace
With every move that you make
And everything you do
Maybe you're sitting in math class
Or maybe on a mission in the Congo
Or maybe working at the office
Singing along with the radio
Maybe you're dining at a 5-star
Or feeding orphans in the Myanmar
Anywhere and everywhere that you are
Whatever you do
It all matters
So do what you do
Don't ever forget
To do everything you do to the glory of the One who made you,
Cause He made you
To do
Every little thing that you do
To bring a smile to His face
And tell the story of grace
As you do everything you do for the glory of the One who made you,
Cause He made you
To do
Every little thing that you do
To bring a smile to His face
And tell the story of grace
With every move that you make
And every little thing you do
In every little thing you do
In every little thing you do
WOW! When I heard the very first part of this song, I totally went "YES! That is me!" I cherish my responsibility of being a mother. I would have it no other way. I chose to stay home after our fourth child arrived. We worked so hard and prayed so long for children. I sorta have a hard time having someone else caring for them. But...
There are some times that I feel like, "Am I making a difference?" "Is it worthy of praise?" But then This song comes along and it really speaks to my heart. But it should speak to every one's heart.
From this I realized just what all I did meant. You see, cleaning up the chronic kid messes, doing the mountains of laundry, hanging out with the kiddos...it is all awesome in God's eyes. It is all awesome as long as I approach all that I do with the intention of bringing glory to God's name.
You see from the most simplistic of tasks to the most intricate skill, they all amount to awesome in God's eyes as long as you do it to bring glory to His name. This is something that I self-evaluated a couple of years ago. I stepped back to look at what things I did in life and the intentions behind them.
What I found was the more I did to bring glory to His name, the more I wanted to to do to bring glory to His name. But, at that point, I never really looked at my "MomMom Duties" as something that could bring God glory. So...
When I get frustrated by the day to day messes...When I wonder if the 10 loads of laundry that I folded today are that meaningful...When I question the value of all of the many jobs I do in the basic housekeeping direction...I need to remember that its all in my approach. I can do all that I have been doing but make it that much more meaningful by changing my approach and do it ALL to bring glory to the One who made me!
You're picking up toys on the living room floor for the 15th time today
Matching up socks
Sweeping up lost cheerios that got away
You put a baby on your hip
Color on your lips and head out the door
While I may not know you,
I bet I know you
Wonder sometimes does it matter at all?
Well let me remind you, it all matters just as long
As you do everything you do to the glory of the One who made you
Cause he made you,
To do
Every little thing that you do
To bring a smile to His face
Tell the story of His grace
With every move that you make
And every little thing you do
Maybe you're that guy with the suit and tie
Maybe your shirt says your name
You may be hooking up mergers
Cooking up burgers
But at the end of the day
Little stuff
Big stuff
In between stuff
God sees it all the same
While I may not know you
I bet I know you
Wonder sometimes, does it matter at all?
Well let me remind you, it all matters just as long as
You do everything you do to the glory of the One who made you,
Cause He made you
To do
Every little thing that you do
To bring a smile to His face
Tell the story of grace
With every move that you make
And everything you do
Maybe you're sitting in math class
Or maybe on a mission in the Congo
Or maybe working at the office
Singing along with the radio
Maybe you're dining at a 5-star
Or feeding orphans in the Myanmar
Anywhere and everywhere that you are
Whatever you do
It all matters
So do what you do
Don't ever forget
To do everything you do to the glory of the One who made you,
Cause He made you
To do
Every little thing that you do
To bring a smile to His face
And tell the story of grace
As you do everything you do for the glory of the One who made you,
Cause He made you
To do
Every little thing that you do
To bring a smile to His face
And tell the story of grace
With every move that you make
And every little thing you do
In every little thing you do
In every little thing you do
WOW! When I heard the very first part of this song, I totally went "YES! That is me!" I cherish my responsibility of being a mother. I would have it no other way. I chose to stay home after our fourth child arrived. We worked so hard and prayed so long for children. I sorta have a hard time having someone else caring for them. But...
There are some times that I feel like, "Am I making a difference?" "Is it worthy of praise?" But then This song comes along and it really speaks to my heart. But it should speak to every one's heart.
From this I realized just what all I did meant. You see, cleaning up the chronic kid messes, doing the mountains of laundry, hanging out with the kiddos...it is all awesome in God's eyes. It is all awesome as long as I approach all that I do with the intention of bringing glory to God's name.
You see from the most simplistic of tasks to the most intricate skill, they all amount to awesome in God's eyes as long as you do it to bring glory to His name. This is something that I self-evaluated a couple of years ago. I stepped back to look at what things I did in life and the intentions behind them.
What I found was the more I did to bring glory to His name, the more I wanted to to do to bring glory to His name. But, at that point, I never really looked at my "MomMom Duties" as something that could bring God glory. So...
When I get frustrated by the day to day messes...When I wonder if the 10 loads of laundry that I folded today are that meaningful...When I question the value of all of the many jobs I do in the basic housekeeping direction...I need to remember that its all in my approach. I can do all that I have been doing but make it that much more meaningful by changing my approach and do it ALL to bring glory to the One who made me!
Saturday, March 24, 2012
"He Knows Me!"
Any of you who may have read any number of my other entries know that I am deeply touched by music. Music speaks to my heart. And, it carries great messages that often put into words what I have in my heart.
A lot of times what I am holding in my heart comes out and surprises me. A song is just the catalyst to add to the unknowns in my heart to end up with an unexpected response. For example, read the lyrics to the Fireflight song "Name".
Seven days old in the ICU tonight
Little baby boy, they don't wanna have to say goodbye
Your mother's on the phone, your father's in the hall
Praying God save his life
He sees you, He's near you
He knows your face, He knows your pain
He sees you and He loves you
He knows your name, He knows your name
Four doors down there's a man who just won't wake up
he crashed so hard and the doctors wanna pull the plug
Praying God'll just show up
He sees you, He's near you
He knows your face, He knows your pain
He sees you and He loves you
He knows your name, He knows your name
Maybe you're alone in the corner of an empty house
Or maybe you're the one no one notices in the crowd
He sees you, He's near you
He knows your face, He knows your pain
He sees you and He loves you
He knows your name, He knows your name
He knows your name
He knows your name
I found myself crying while driving down the road. That song hit me on so many different levels! The first hurt came right away.
My thoughts flew to my niece, Erynn, who died nearly 2 1/2 years ago. The hours that led up to her death sounded like they could have come out of this song. Then my thoughts went to our dear family friend "BJ" who died right after Erynn did. Again, the series of events leading to his death could have been lyrics in this song. H how I miss them both!
But then it hit me on a personal note. He sees me. He hears me. He knows my name. He knows my face, my pain. He is near to me through my day to day life and through the darkest moments of despair. Even if I feel alone or like my life is suddenly spiraling out of control, God is right there.
Through those dark days where I felt so helpless and lost, He was there. He guided people into our lives with words of wisdom and comfort. He gave my husband strength he never knew was possible. He gave me peace, calm, and reassurance.
He saw me and stayed with me. He knows my face and knew the pain that I was experiencing. He saw and loves me. He knows my name and held my hand through it all. He was as near as I would permit. All I had to do was ask.
I will never forget that pain. But perhaps more than the pain, I will never forget that He knows my name. "I am with your, Sarah." Audible words that showed that He knew what I was experiencing, He came to be by me and He knew my name and spoke it to bring me peace!
A lot of times what I am holding in my heart comes out and surprises me. A song is just the catalyst to add to the unknowns in my heart to end up with an unexpected response. For example, read the lyrics to the Fireflight song "Name".
Seven days old in the ICU tonight
Little baby boy, they don't wanna have to say goodbye
Your mother's on the phone, your father's in the hall
Praying God save his life
He sees you, He's near you
He knows your face, He knows your pain
He sees you and He loves you
He knows your name, He knows your name
Four doors down there's a man who just won't wake up
he crashed so hard and the doctors wanna pull the plug
Praying God'll just show up
He sees you, He's near you
He knows your face, He knows your pain
He sees you and He loves you
He knows your name, He knows your name
Maybe you're alone in the corner of an empty house
Or maybe you're the one no one notices in the crowd
He sees you, He's near you
He knows your face, He knows your pain
He sees you and He loves you
He knows your name, He knows your name
He knows your name
He knows your name
I found myself crying while driving down the road. That song hit me on so many different levels! The first hurt came right away.
My thoughts flew to my niece, Erynn, who died nearly 2 1/2 years ago. The hours that led up to her death sounded like they could have come out of this song. Then my thoughts went to our dear family friend "BJ" who died right after Erynn did. Again, the series of events leading to his death could have been lyrics in this song. H how I miss them both!
But then it hit me on a personal note. He sees me. He hears me. He knows my name. He knows my face, my pain. He is near to me through my day to day life and through the darkest moments of despair. Even if I feel alone or like my life is suddenly spiraling out of control, God is right there.
Through those dark days where I felt so helpless and lost, He was there. He guided people into our lives with words of wisdom and comfort. He gave my husband strength he never knew was possible. He gave me peace, calm, and reassurance.
He saw me and stayed with me. He knows my face and knew the pain that I was experiencing. He saw and loves me. He knows my name and held my hand through it all. He was as near as I would permit. All I had to do was ask.
I will never forget that pain. But perhaps more than the pain, I will never forget that He knows my name. "I am with your, Sarah." Audible words that showed that He knew what I was experiencing, He came to be by me and He knew my name and spoke it to bring me peace!
"The Constant Gardener of My Soul"
Today as I was leaving the drive, I marveled at the lush growth of our oak trees. It occurred to me that it pained me to think about having to cut away the growth at the bottom. But in order to encourage them to grow upward and outward, the growth had to be pruned away.
Then I realized something else. We are all like those oak trees. God is our constant Gardener. Without Him, we would not grow. He prunes us, and it is often a painful process. However, it promotes healthy growth of our souls upward and outward.
The upward growth is that which encourages us to reach more toward our Heavenly Father. The outward growth is that which encourages us to grow out ourselves and reaching out more to others. Just like our pruning of our trees is for their betterment, so too is the Gardener's pruning of our souls. We do not prune the trees to bring them harm, and God does not prune our souls to bring them harm.
There are many things in life that bring us pain. There are tough things that we must face. Some of the hardest things we have to endure are events that make us evaluate the status of our souls. The process of evaluating ourselves, painful as it may be, produces growth.
We have all been through times in our lives where we feel we have been put to the test. We have heard the saying :"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger". I now feel that there is more depth to those life changing experiences.
As I look back on all of the pain I endured leading up to and following the big fall out (for lack of a better word), I can now see it as part of the pruning process. I feel that the event that altered my life was not all on me. But through my struggles, I learned to worry less about others and their wrong doings.
I changed my focus to be on pleasing God not others. If I am doing something for the glory of God, it should not bring harm to others. By doing things with the sole intention of bringing Him glory, I move my focus upward which allows me to reach outward. But oh if you only knew the pain and struggles of the pruning process that brought me to this point.
I sometimes have to revisit the concept of God being the Gardener of my soul. I can ask questions of Him. I can complain at the pain and discomfort of the experiences. But ultimately I have to rely on the fact that God will take those hurtful experiences and use them to shape me into a better person: a better woman, a better wife, a better mother, a better Christian.
I know that God does not cause the events that hurt me. He does not make people do things that bring so much hurt. But as the Gardener of my soul, He takes those painful moments and hurtful things that people have done and uses them as a gardener uses his pruning shears. He cuts away some areas in my soul to allow for my spiritual growth outward and upward. And....despite the discomfort of it sometimes, I am thankful I have a Gardener, a Constant Tender, of my soul!
Then I realized something else. We are all like those oak trees. God is our constant Gardener. Without Him, we would not grow. He prunes us, and it is often a painful process. However, it promotes healthy growth of our souls upward and outward.
The upward growth is that which encourages us to reach more toward our Heavenly Father. The outward growth is that which encourages us to grow out ourselves and reaching out more to others. Just like our pruning of our trees is for their betterment, so too is the Gardener's pruning of our souls. We do not prune the trees to bring them harm, and God does not prune our souls to bring them harm.
There are many things in life that bring us pain. There are tough things that we must face. Some of the hardest things we have to endure are events that make us evaluate the status of our souls. The process of evaluating ourselves, painful as it may be, produces growth.
We have all been through times in our lives where we feel we have been put to the test. We have heard the saying :"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger". I now feel that there is more depth to those life changing experiences.
As I look back on all of the pain I endured leading up to and following the big fall out (for lack of a better word), I can now see it as part of the pruning process. I feel that the event that altered my life was not all on me. But through my struggles, I learned to worry less about others and their wrong doings.
I changed my focus to be on pleasing God not others. If I am doing something for the glory of God, it should not bring harm to others. By doing things with the sole intention of bringing Him glory, I move my focus upward which allows me to reach outward. But oh if you only knew the pain and struggles of the pruning process that brought me to this point.
I sometimes have to revisit the concept of God being the Gardener of my soul. I can ask questions of Him. I can complain at the pain and discomfort of the experiences. But ultimately I have to rely on the fact that God will take those hurtful experiences and use them to shape me into a better person: a better woman, a better wife, a better mother, a better Christian.
I know that God does not cause the events that hurt me. He does not make people do things that bring so much hurt. But as the Gardener of my soul, He takes those painful moments and hurtful things that people have done and uses them as a gardener uses his pruning shears. He cuts away some areas in my soul to allow for my spiritual growth outward and upward. And....despite the discomfort of it sometimes, I am thankful I have a Gardener, a Constant Tender, of my soul!
"God Is Everywhere-Do You Hear Him?"
At the same seminar in the same spirituality session, our speaker gave an illustration, true story. I will not be able to remember it all, but I can at least offer a good idea of what they story was.
There was a young, totally unchurched girl. She went to the beach with a parent (I think). The adult watched her enter the water and put out her arms and hands and sway back and forth with the waves. Then she came to the sand and ran her fingers and toes through it and sat for hours letting the handfuls of sand slowly slide through her fingers back to the ground.
When she was finished, the adult asked her what she was doing to which she re;lied she was listening to God and was with God. Where? He was in the waves, in the sand. He was the waves, He was the sand. WOW! The innate spirituality of that child...imagine if it had been nurtured!
The speaker also addressed that many people's experiences of truly sensing God, feeling God, even hearing God happen when out in nature. I mean that makes sense, right?! Take away all of the technological diversions. Put yourself outside with no phone, cell phone, computer, etc. Allow yourself to be a part of God's creation and really experience nature.
It is the perfect environment for truly connecting to God. Jesus would go off to be alone in prayer, often up on a mountain. Alone, outside in God's creation is the best way to get in tune with our Creator. This is something that I can testify to.
After beginning my upward climb out of the pit, I spent a day fasting and writing in my prayer journal. I wrote all I had in my heart. I poured my prayers to God onto the pages of my journal. Looking at those pates today remind me of His answers to my prayers.
As I sat on the bench outside taking a break between entries, I found myself mulling over all of the events that had led up to that point. I was asking a lot of questions, beginning to feel a bit of anxiety as to how I was going to respond to the persons involved, how I was going to change things or be changed...I could go on and on about all of the questions I had. As I sat watching the breeze blow through the trees in the woods, I heard God.
I felt Him in the breeze. I saw Him everywhere in His creation. But I heard Him say my name. His voice was soft, gentle, but strong. "I am with you, Sarah." Those words would carry me through even darker days ahead. But I cannot describe to you the calm, the depth, the warmth, the reassurance that His voice brought my soul that day.
God is truly everywhere. If you are still, you might just hear Him. Take yourself away from all distractions. Sit outside in His creation. He is there. do you hear Him?
There was a young, totally unchurched girl. She went to the beach with a parent (I think). The adult watched her enter the water and put out her arms and hands and sway back and forth with the waves. Then she came to the sand and ran her fingers and toes through it and sat for hours letting the handfuls of sand slowly slide through her fingers back to the ground.
When she was finished, the adult asked her what she was doing to which she re;lied she was listening to God and was with God. Where? He was in the waves, in the sand. He was the waves, He was the sand. WOW! The innate spirituality of that child...imagine if it had been nurtured!
The speaker also addressed that many people's experiences of truly sensing God, feeling God, even hearing God happen when out in nature. I mean that makes sense, right?! Take away all of the technological diversions. Put yourself outside with no phone, cell phone, computer, etc. Allow yourself to be a part of God's creation and really experience nature.
It is the perfect environment for truly connecting to God. Jesus would go off to be alone in prayer, often up on a mountain. Alone, outside in God's creation is the best way to get in tune with our Creator. This is something that I can testify to.
After beginning my upward climb out of the pit, I spent a day fasting and writing in my prayer journal. I wrote all I had in my heart. I poured my prayers to God onto the pages of my journal. Looking at those pates today remind me of His answers to my prayers.
As I sat on the bench outside taking a break between entries, I found myself mulling over all of the events that had led up to that point. I was asking a lot of questions, beginning to feel a bit of anxiety as to how I was going to respond to the persons involved, how I was going to change things or be changed...I could go on and on about all of the questions I had. As I sat watching the breeze blow through the trees in the woods, I heard God.
I felt Him in the breeze. I saw Him everywhere in His creation. But I heard Him say my name. His voice was soft, gentle, but strong. "I am with you, Sarah." Those words would carry me through even darker days ahead. But I cannot describe to you the calm, the depth, the warmth, the reassurance that His voice brought my soul that day.
God is truly everywhere. If you are still, you might just hear Him. Take yourself away from all distractions. Sit outside in His creation. He is there. do you hear Him?
"Spirituality"
At a recent children's ministries conference, ,I attended a session dealing with children's spirituality. The leaders stressed the importance of spirituality. They said that it is important to nurture the spirituality of a child. They also said that it was important to let children experience spirituality with their senses. Music was an important factor as well as getting up and moving with the words and the music.
As the session progressed, a discussion began that addressed children seeing and talking to spirits. The speakers said that too often, adults dismiss it and attempt to quash that sort of talk. She said that we as adults spend so much of our lives trying to get back to that depth of spirituality because someone quashed it in us at some point.
During this part of the discussion it was stressed that we not discount that sort of idealism from our children. Instead we need to talk with them about it. We need to encourage them to share as much detail as possible. Talking to/seeing spirits is real. Not all of it is good. a child needs to be trained so as to not be opened and vulnerable to evil. Because, while many people don't like talking about it, the devil is real and evil is out there in the world.
If we make it to where our children are embarrassed to share their experiences, we may not be able to protect them. They need to know that it is okay to come to us, that what they have experienced is real. We also need to be open to having discussion with them as to the nature of the experience.
As I sat in that discussion, I felt great understanding of the experiences. Almost two years ago, I traveled a very dark road. After some very emotionally traumatizing events, I entered into a very deep depression. As I felt the heaviness of despair, I could see the skewed view I had but could not change it.
With my past emotional abuse, mistakes, and insecurities, the actions of certain persons pushed me over the edge. I felt myself falling and could do nothing to stop it. After a specific event, I walked into a room one way, but left feeling like a worthless mistake of a person.
Satan took all of my past and present hurts and used them against me. He came into my home and whispered (not literally but figuratively) all of my flaws to me over and over again. All I could hear was I was a horrible person. All I could see was failure. All I could feel was worthless. I could see all of it happening but could not stop it or change it.
As I leaned on my husband for support and was brutally honest about where I stood mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, he realized the severity of the situation. I sought medical help and he sought spiritual guidance from a pastor friend.
That night he received the strength from God to be the husband that he needed. He got guidance about how we as a couple should proceed. He had confidence and that gave me peace. As I cried until I had no more tears, I found strength in his strength and my resolve led me to speak aloud to the darkness in my home.
I spoke to and against Satan and told him he was not welcome in my soul, in my home, or near my children. As soon as I did that, there was a total peace and calm that filled my soul and relaxed and my mind and my and my body. I knew it was going to be okay. And that began our journey with God as a couple that led us down uncharted roads.
I know that evil is lurking there, just waiting for any opportunity to invite itself in. A young child's heart is easy prey if it has not been nurtured. That includes nurturing the child's spirituality, acknowledging that there are spiritual entities that can be good or evil.
It is a bit of a touch subject. It is not easy to understand. But, I know as I sat and listened to that session, I felt a sense of urgency to grow my children's spirituality, to direct it, and to have open dialogue about hearing spirits.
As a parent, it is my responsibility to guard and nurture my children's spirituality. As a church member, it is also my responsibility to do the same for the children in our church. Children are precious, and they are our future. I want the best for our future, don't you?
As the session progressed, a discussion began that addressed children seeing and talking to spirits. The speakers said that too often, adults dismiss it and attempt to quash that sort of talk. She said that we as adults spend so much of our lives trying to get back to that depth of spirituality because someone quashed it in us at some point.
During this part of the discussion it was stressed that we not discount that sort of idealism from our children. Instead we need to talk with them about it. We need to encourage them to share as much detail as possible. Talking to/seeing spirits is real. Not all of it is good. a child needs to be trained so as to not be opened and vulnerable to evil. Because, while many people don't like talking about it, the devil is real and evil is out there in the world.
If we make it to where our children are embarrassed to share their experiences, we may not be able to protect them. They need to know that it is okay to come to us, that what they have experienced is real. We also need to be open to having discussion with them as to the nature of the experience.
As I sat in that discussion, I felt great understanding of the experiences. Almost two years ago, I traveled a very dark road. After some very emotionally traumatizing events, I entered into a very deep depression. As I felt the heaviness of despair, I could see the skewed view I had but could not change it.
With my past emotional abuse, mistakes, and insecurities, the actions of certain persons pushed me over the edge. I felt myself falling and could do nothing to stop it. After a specific event, I walked into a room one way, but left feeling like a worthless mistake of a person.
Satan took all of my past and present hurts and used them against me. He came into my home and whispered (not literally but figuratively) all of my flaws to me over and over again. All I could hear was I was a horrible person. All I could see was failure. All I could feel was worthless. I could see all of it happening but could not stop it or change it.
As I leaned on my husband for support and was brutally honest about where I stood mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, he realized the severity of the situation. I sought medical help and he sought spiritual guidance from a pastor friend.
That night he received the strength from God to be the husband that he needed. He got guidance about how we as a couple should proceed. He had confidence and that gave me peace. As I cried until I had no more tears, I found strength in his strength and my resolve led me to speak aloud to the darkness in my home.
I spoke to and against Satan and told him he was not welcome in my soul, in my home, or near my children. As soon as I did that, there was a total peace and calm that filled my soul and relaxed and my mind and my and my body. I knew it was going to be okay. And that began our journey with God as a couple that led us down uncharted roads.
I know that evil is lurking there, just waiting for any opportunity to invite itself in. A young child's heart is easy prey if it has not been nurtured. That includes nurturing the child's spirituality, acknowledging that there are spiritual entities that can be good or evil.
It is a bit of a touch subject. It is not easy to understand. But, I know as I sat and listened to that session, I felt a sense of urgency to grow my children's spirituality, to direct it, and to have open dialogue about hearing spirits.
As a parent, it is my responsibility to guard and nurture my children's spirituality. As a church member, it is also my responsibility to do the same for the children in our church. Children are precious, and they are our future. I want the best for our future, don't you?
"What's Your Life Forecast?"
Well, the truth that comes from the mouths of children is so profound and sometimes has depth that far surpasses any words that the most elaborate speaker could ever utter.
One day my four children and I were having a discussion about the look-ahead forecast for the next five days. We were sitting around the computer, and they were asking questions based on the icons that they saw. They began asking if tomorrow was going to be sunny. when out of nowhere, my youngest child very confidently stated, "It just depends on God. He's in charge of that."
The faith and honesty of a child is so sweet, so true, and so deep. I have learned in so many instances just how much adults could learn from children. The statement, "Have faith like a child." immediately ran through my mind.
There was no doubt in her voice. There was no hesitation in her statement. She was strong in her faith that God is in charge. How much easier would our lives be if we just accepted that simple statement?! If we would just stop the power battle and relinquish it to God, we would have that much more energy and time to devote to other things. O how simple yet so complex a statement of advice: "Have faith like a child."
Jesus valued children. He placed them on His knee; He listened to them and spoke with them (not to them). He knew the importance of children. We should follow His example--we could get so much from it. The blessings that you can receive from a child/children are innumerable and indescribable. Their hearts are true, and their words are honest.
I'll close this brief entry with an excerpt from a choir anthem entitled "Let the Children Come"
....The Kingdom of God
Belongs to such as these
Have faith like a child
For with this our God is pleased
Our God is pleased
Our God is pleased.
Let the children come unto me,
Let the children come to me.
Bring them near,
Bring them here.
Let laughter fill this place
And love shine on each face.
Let the children come to me.
One day my four children and I were having a discussion about the look-ahead forecast for the next five days. We were sitting around the computer, and they were asking questions based on the icons that they saw. They began asking if tomorrow was going to be sunny. when out of nowhere, my youngest child very confidently stated, "It just depends on God. He's in charge of that."
The faith and honesty of a child is so sweet, so true, and so deep. I have learned in so many instances just how much adults could learn from children. The statement, "Have faith like a child." immediately ran through my mind.
There was no doubt in her voice. There was no hesitation in her statement. She was strong in her faith that God is in charge. How much easier would our lives be if we just accepted that simple statement?! If we would just stop the power battle and relinquish it to God, we would have that much more energy and time to devote to other things. O how simple yet so complex a statement of advice: "Have faith like a child."
Jesus valued children. He placed them on His knee; He listened to them and spoke with them (not to them). He knew the importance of children. We should follow His example--we could get so much from it. The blessings that you can receive from a child/children are innumerable and indescribable. Their hearts are true, and their words are honest.
I'll close this brief entry with an excerpt from a choir anthem entitled "Let the Children Come"
....The Kingdom of God
Belongs to such as these
Have faith like a child
For with this our God is pleased
Our God is pleased
Our God is pleased.
Let the children come unto me,
Let the children come to me.
Bring them near,
Bring them here.
Let laughter fill this place
And love shine on each face.
Let the children come to me.
"He Will Calm Your Storms And Give You Peace"
This past Thanksgiving, I traveled by myself with our 4 children (ages 7 and 4) to Johnson City, TN to spend Thanksgiving with my sister and her family. Since Josh was going to be out for Thanksgiving, we opted to make the trip and visit.
The trip there was long but uneventful. It is a 15 hour drive, so I split it between two days since we left after lunch on Sunday. While there, we had the most awesome visit. I was there when my nephew, Kamden, had a bone marrow aspiration done to rule out cancer. We truly had so many things for which to thank God this Thanksgiving, including the news of "no cancer" for Kamden!
I dreaded the long journey home and planned on going home in one day since I had to be home for church on Sunday. As we traveled, we had good weather. The closer we got to home, the worse the weather became.
I have a huge fear of heights, which includes bridges. Our journey home took us over a big bridge in Baton Rouge over the Mississippi River. The other one is a very long bridge over the swamps of the Atchafalya Basin. On this long stretch of bridge, there are two high elevated sections to allow large vessels passage underneath them.
Well, we were blessed to make it across the Mississippi Bridge without rain. But by the time we made it to the Basin bridge, the sky was dark with night AND horrible rainy weather. My nerves were raw and knuckles white as we crossed the bridge.
As we progressed, my confidence rapidly unraveled. I am frantic and fighting back tears. I made the kiddos turn down the movie to provide more quietness. As I am losing it at the wheel, I begin sobbing and praying out loud and reciting Scripture passages. At one point, one of the boys requested more volume and my daughter replied, "Be quiet. Mom is praying!"
The more I prayed, the more strength I had. I continued to cry and pray aloud. As we approached the first high bridge, the wind began to gust up to 50-60mph. The rain was pouring and the lightning was blinding. The fear remained, but there was a sense of calm amidst this powerful storm. I prayed for safety for us and for the other motorists traveling alongside us.
I recited Psalms that attested to God being my rock, my fortress, my strength. Through it, I began to hold it together a bit more. The tears continued, the knuckles stayed white, but God kept us safe and gave me the strength to make it across that long bridge.
What began as a very terrifying trip over the bridge that seemed to have no end turned out to be a testimony to answered prayers. You see, God didn't stop the storm. He traveled with me THROUGH the storm. He didn't take away my fears, but gave me the strength to move past them.
That is so true in all aspects of our lives. There are "storms" that we all must weather. There are real fears that we must all stare down and move past. I asked God to come and be with me. I wanted the strength only He could give. He heard my cries, literally. He came to me and went through that storm with me.
He may not calm the waves, stop the wind and rain in your storm. He may not run gray skies to blue. But He promises to be there to weather ALL of our storms WITH us. He will hold our hands if we are afraid. he will bolster our confidences to stare down our fears. We don't have to travel that never ending bridge, in the middle of a storm, alone. All we have to do is ask, and He will be there!
"The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge." Psalm 18:2
"The Lord is my strength, my shield from every danger. I trust in Him with all my heart." Psalm 28:7
The trip there was long but uneventful. It is a 15 hour drive, so I split it between two days since we left after lunch on Sunday. While there, we had the most awesome visit. I was there when my nephew, Kamden, had a bone marrow aspiration done to rule out cancer. We truly had so many things for which to thank God this Thanksgiving, including the news of "no cancer" for Kamden!
I dreaded the long journey home and planned on going home in one day since I had to be home for church on Sunday. As we traveled, we had good weather. The closer we got to home, the worse the weather became.
I have a huge fear of heights, which includes bridges. Our journey home took us over a big bridge in Baton Rouge over the Mississippi River. The other one is a very long bridge over the swamps of the Atchafalya Basin. On this long stretch of bridge, there are two high elevated sections to allow large vessels passage underneath them.
Well, we were blessed to make it across the Mississippi Bridge without rain. But by the time we made it to the Basin bridge, the sky was dark with night AND horrible rainy weather. My nerves were raw and knuckles white as we crossed the bridge.
As we progressed, my confidence rapidly unraveled. I am frantic and fighting back tears. I made the kiddos turn down the movie to provide more quietness. As I am losing it at the wheel, I begin sobbing and praying out loud and reciting Scripture passages. At one point, one of the boys requested more volume and my daughter replied, "Be quiet. Mom is praying!"
The more I prayed, the more strength I had. I continued to cry and pray aloud. As we approached the first high bridge, the wind began to gust up to 50-60mph. The rain was pouring and the lightning was blinding. The fear remained, but there was a sense of calm amidst this powerful storm. I prayed for safety for us and for the other motorists traveling alongside us.
I recited Psalms that attested to God being my rock, my fortress, my strength. Through it, I began to hold it together a bit more. The tears continued, the knuckles stayed white, but God kept us safe and gave me the strength to make it across that long bridge.
What began as a very terrifying trip over the bridge that seemed to have no end turned out to be a testimony to answered prayers. You see, God didn't stop the storm. He traveled with me THROUGH the storm. He didn't take away my fears, but gave me the strength to move past them.
That is so true in all aspects of our lives. There are "storms" that we all must weather. There are real fears that we must all stare down and move past. I asked God to come and be with me. I wanted the strength only He could give. He heard my cries, literally. He came to me and went through that storm with me.
He may not calm the waves, stop the wind and rain in your storm. He may not run gray skies to blue. But He promises to be there to weather ALL of our storms WITH us. He will hold our hands if we are afraid. he will bolster our confidences to stare down our fears. We don't have to travel that never ending bridge, in the middle of a storm, alone. All we have to do is ask, and He will be there!
"The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge." Psalm 18:2
"The Lord is my strength, my shield from every danger. I trust in Him with all my heart." Psalm 28:7
"Don't Wait to Live Your Life"
A struggle I always have is how to spend my time. There are SO many things to do...some we HAVE to do, some we CHOOSE to do. I don't always budget my time correctly. I have a difficult time doing things that should be done (i.e. housework) if there is something that I could be doing with my children.
I have very strong feelings about taking any time away from my children, especially if it is for myself. The other struggle is making that time that I do devote to my family quality time. Life is too shore to not make the most of the time we have been given.
Our families have experienced two huge trials that reminded us of our mortality and limited time with each other. 4 1/2 years ago, my nephew, Layton, went from having an ear infection to life support at St. Jude Children's Research Hospital with the diagnosis of leukemia.
Layton battled for months with chemotherapy and would healing complications. My sister and brother-in-law were across the state of Tennessee form each other. My older nephew Kamden remained at home with Travis while Amanda stayed in Memphis with Layton. Their family struggled with fears, separation, and trials of all sorts. Today, Layton has been deemed "cured"!
On May 25, 2007, Josh's sister went in for an emergency c-section. Her twin daughters were suffering from twin to twin transfusion where one was getting all of the nutrients and the other one not. Elizabeth was also suffering from eclampsia and was becoming dangerously more ill.
So, months before they were due, Reagan Elizabeth (2lbs 10oz) and Erynn Lee (1lb 10oz) entered the world. Both beautiful girls battled many complications and overcame many trials. Eventually, they were both at home with their big brother, Austin. Those two precious girls were living miracles.
On Friday morning, November 20, 2009, I received a frantic call from Elizabeth. She was at the hospital with Erynn who was having uncontrollable seizures and needed me to come get Reagan. I also needed to take her to the pediatrician's office for an appointment. Both of the girls were sick with respiratory infections.
I felt like the world was spinning out of control as our lives were suddenly frozen in time. I cannot imagine how Elizabeth was feeling or how her husband felt when she called.
As I sat in that doctor's office holding that beautiful girl, plans were being made to have her twin sister air lifted to a larger hospital 40 minutes away. Her dad flew with her (he is a paramedic) and Liz drove by herself to meet them at the hospital. And during all of this, I began the process to admit Reagan to the hospital here in town for bilateral pneumonia.
Things happened so fast yet in slow motion. On Monday, November 23, 2009, Erynn Lee left her earthly home to be with her grandfather in her Heavenly home. She was such a miracle and blessed all of our lives. We all learned much from her about the pure joy and love of life and unconditionally loving those around us. She touched so many lives and still does today.
Two and a half years may seem long, but in the life of a child, a child's age, it is so short. This was a very painful reminder that our children are on loan. We only hold them but for a moment, whereas God hods them for eternity. O how we should make every moment count. O how we should thank God every moment of every day for the time that He gives us with each other.
When I heard the new song by Skillet, "One Day Too Late", I felt that those were my emotions. someone had taken my feelings and put them into song. They communicated the importance of valuing life and the time that we have been given.
"One Day Too Late"
Tick tock, hear the clock count down
Wish the minute hand could be rewound
So much to do and so much I need to say
Will tomorrow be too late?
Feel the moment slip into the past
Like sand through an hourglass
In the madness, I guess, I just forget
To do all the things I said
Time passes by, never thought I'd wind up
One step behind, now I've made my mind up
Today, I'm gonna try a little harder
Gonna make every minute last longer
Gonna learn to forgive and forget
'Cause we don't have long, gonna make the most of it
Today, I'm gonna love my enemies
Reach out to somebody who needs me
Make a change, make the world a better place
'Cause tomorrow could be one day too late
One day too late, one day too late
Tick tock, hear my life pass by
I can't erase and I can't rewind
Of all the things I regret the most I do
Wish I'd spent more time with you
Here's my chance for anew beginning
I saved the best for a better ending
In the end I'll make it up to you
You'll see, you'll get the very best of me
Time passes by, never thought I'd wind up
One step behind, now I've made my mind up
Today I'm gonna try a little harder
Gonna make every minute last longer
Gonna learn to forgive and forget
'Cause we don't have long, gonna make the most of it
Today, I'm gonna love my enemies
Reach out to somebody who needs me
Make a change, make the world a better place
'Cause tomorrow could be one day too late
Your time is running out
You're never gonna get it back
So make the most of every moment
Stop saving the best for last.
Today, I'm gonna try a little harder
Gonna make make every minute last longer
Gonna learn to forgive and forget
'Cause we don't have long, gonna make the most of it
Today, I'm gonna love my enemies
Reach out to somebody who needs me
Make the world a better place
'Cause tomorrow could be one day too late
One day too late, one day too late
One day too late, one day too late
So make every minute count. Cherish your loved ones. Tell them you love them. Hug your children. Spend quality time with them. Never take your time for granted!
I have very strong feelings about taking any time away from my children, especially if it is for myself. The other struggle is making that time that I do devote to my family quality time. Life is too shore to not make the most of the time we have been given.
Our families have experienced two huge trials that reminded us of our mortality and limited time with each other. 4 1/2 years ago, my nephew, Layton, went from having an ear infection to life support at St. Jude Children's Research Hospital with the diagnosis of leukemia.
Layton battled for months with chemotherapy and would healing complications. My sister and brother-in-law were across the state of Tennessee form each other. My older nephew Kamden remained at home with Travis while Amanda stayed in Memphis with Layton. Their family struggled with fears, separation, and trials of all sorts. Today, Layton has been deemed "cured"!
On May 25, 2007, Josh's sister went in for an emergency c-section. Her twin daughters were suffering from twin to twin transfusion where one was getting all of the nutrients and the other one not. Elizabeth was also suffering from eclampsia and was becoming dangerously more ill.
So, months before they were due, Reagan Elizabeth (2lbs 10oz) and Erynn Lee (1lb 10oz) entered the world. Both beautiful girls battled many complications and overcame many trials. Eventually, they were both at home with their big brother, Austin. Those two precious girls were living miracles.
On Friday morning, November 20, 2009, I received a frantic call from Elizabeth. She was at the hospital with Erynn who was having uncontrollable seizures and needed me to come get Reagan. I also needed to take her to the pediatrician's office for an appointment. Both of the girls were sick with respiratory infections.
I felt like the world was spinning out of control as our lives were suddenly frozen in time. I cannot imagine how Elizabeth was feeling or how her husband felt when she called.
As I sat in that doctor's office holding that beautiful girl, plans were being made to have her twin sister air lifted to a larger hospital 40 minutes away. Her dad flew with her (he is a paramedic) and Liz drove by herself to meet them at the hospital. And during all of this, I began the process to admit Reagan to the hospital here in town for bilateral pneumonia.
Things happened so fast yet in slow motion. On Monday, November 23, 2009, Erynn Lee left her earthly home to be with her grandfather in her Heavenly home. She was such a miracle and blessed all of our lives. We all learned much from her about the pure joy and love of life and unconditionally loving those around us. She touched so many lives and still does today.
Two and a half years may seem long, but in the life of a child, a child's age, it is so short. This was a very painful reminder that our children are on loan. We only hold them but for a moment, whereas God hods them for eternity. O how we should make every moment count. O how we should thank God every moment of every day for the time that He gives us with each other.
When I heard the new song by Skillet, "One Day Too Late", I felt that those were my emotions. someone had taken my feelings and put them into song. They communicated the importance of valuing life and the time that we have been given.
"One Day Too Late"
Tick tock, hear the clock count down
Wish the minute hand could be rewound
So much to do and so much I need to say
Will tomorrow be too late?
Feel the moment slip into the past
Like sand through an hourglass
In the madness, I guess, I just forget
To do all the things I said
Time passes by, never thought I'd wind up
One step behind, now I've made my mind up
Today, I'm gonna try a little harder
Gonna make every minute last longer
Gonna learn to forgive and forget
'Cause we don't have long, gonna make the most of it
Today, I'm gonna love my enemies
Reach out to somebody who needs me
Make a change, make the world a better place
'Cause tomorrow could be one day too late
One day too late, one day too late
Tick tock, hear my life pass by
I can't erase and I can't rewind
Of all the things I regret the most I do
Wish I'd spent more time with you
Here's my chance for anew beginning
I saved the best for a better ending
In the end I'll make it up to you
You'll see, you'll get the very best of me
Time passes by, never thought I'd wind up
One step behind, now I've made my mind up
Today I'm gonna try a little harder
Gonna make every minute last longer
Gonna learn to forgive and forget
'Cause we don't have long, gonna make the most of it
Today, I'm gonna love my enemies
Reach out to somebody who needs me
Make a change, make the world a better place
'Cause tomorrow could be one day too late
Your time is running out
You're never gonna get it back
So make the most of every moment
Stop saving the best for last.
Today, I'm gonna try a little harder
Gonna make make every minute last longer
Gonna learn to forgive and forget
'Cause we don't have long, gonna make the most of it
Today, I'm gonna love my enemies
Reach out to somebody who needs me
Make the world a better place
'Cause tomorrow could be one day too late
One day too late, one day too late
One day too late, one day too late
So make every minute count. Cherish your loved ones. Tell them you love them. Hug your children. Spend quality time with them. Never take your time for granted!
"I Want More of That"
I am not sure when I jotted down the thought stream that led me to the next song (sometime in the late Fall 2011). I just know that I have found, especially recently, that the more time I spend in Christian fellowship, the more time I spend in prayer/writing in my journal, the more time I spend in the Word...THE MORE I WANT TO DO IT MORE! At the moment that I formulated the above streams of thought, a Casting Crowns' song popped into my head. This song speaks to the feelings that I had.
"To Know You"
To know you is never worry for my life, and
To know you is to never give in or compromise
To know you is to want to tell the world about you
Cause I can't live without you
To know you is to hear your voice when you are calling
To know you is to catch my brother when he is falling
To know you is to feel the pain of the broken-hearted
Cause they can't live without you
More than my next breath
More than life or death
All I'm reaching for, I live my life to know you more
I leave it all behind, you are all that satisfies
To know you is to want to know you more
To know you is to want to know you more
To know you is to ache for more than ordinary
To know you is to look beyond the temporary
To know you is believing that you will be enough
Cause there is no life without you
More than my next breath
More than life or death
All I'm reaching for, I live my life to know you more
I leave it all behind, you are all that satisfies
To know you is to want to know you more
To know you is to want to know you more
All this life could offer me, could not compare to you
Compare to you
And I count it all as lost, compared to knowing you
Knowing you
More than my next breath
More than life or death
All I'm reaching for, I live my life to know you more
I leave it all behind, you are all that satisfies
To know you is to want to know you more
To know you is to want to know you more
Compared to you
Compared to you
And I count it all as lost, compared to knowing you
Knowing you
And I count it all as lost, compared to knowing you
Knowing you
As usual,music speaks to my heart. I either am emotionally touched by music or I receive affirmation of my emotions from the lyrics. This song exactly captured the essence of my feelings. It is SO true that the more time we spend in Him, the more we want to be there.
And as I feel this way, I want to share it with everyone around me. I want for others what I feel. I want them to worship with ll of their being. I want them to have the feeling that I have...that desire to want to know Him more. I can't help but sing and write and share with others. I know no other way to feel about what I have experienced. I want for everyone what I have found. I want them to want to know Him more!
Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.--Psalm 37:4
"To Know You"
To know you is never worry for my life, and
To know you is to never give in or compromise
To know you is to want to tell the world about you
Cause I can't live without you
To know you is to hear your voice when you are calling
To know you is to catch my brother when he is falling
To know you is to feel the pain of the broken-hearted
Cause they can't live without you
More than my next breath
More than life or death
All I'm reaching for, I live my life to know you more
I leave it all behind, you are all that satisfies
To know you is to want to know you more
To know you is to want to know you more
To know you is to ache for more than ordinary
To know you is to look beyond the temporary
To know you is believing that you will be enough
Cause there is no life without you
More than my next breath
More than life or death
All I'm reaching for, I live my life to know you more
I leave it all behind, you are all that satisfies
To know you is to want to know you more
To know you is to want to know you more
All this life could offer me, could not compare to you
Compare to you
And I count it all as lost, compared to knowing you
Knowing you
More than my next breath
More than life or death
All I'm reaching for, I live my life to know you more
I leave it all behind, you are all that satisfies
To know you is to want to know you more
To know you is to want to know you more
Compared to you
Compared to you
And I count it all as lost, compared to knowing you
Knowing you
And I count it all as lost, compared to knowing you
Knowing you
As usual,music speaks to my heart. I either am emotionally touched by music or I receive affirmation of my emotions from the lyrics. This song exactly captured the essence of my feelings. It is SO true that the more time we spend in Him, the more we want to be there.
And as I feel this way, I want to share it with everyone around me. I want for others what I feel. I want them to worship with ll of their being. I want them to have the feeling that I have...that desire to want to know Him more. I can't help but sing and write and share with others. I know no other way to feel about what I have experienced. I want for everyone what I have found. I want them to want to know Him more!
Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.--Psalm 37:4
Does One Door Really Open After Another Closes?
It has been a long time since I have sat down to put all of my thoughts into actual entries. I began keeping a mini-composition book in my purse so that I had a place to eat least jot down the feelings and thoughts I have in the midst of my busy schedule. At one point I sat down and wrote several entries and began to fall asleep, so I closed my journal and put down my pen. But, first I wrote the above title.
True to form, I have no real idea as to what the title is about. I think I have a general thought and found a Scripture passage I had written on a piece of paper. I am assuming that the passage is for this entry since it refers to closed and open doors.
"These are the words of him who is holy and true, who holds the key of David. What he opens no one can shut, and what he shuts no one can open. I know your deeds. See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut. I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name."--Revelation 3:7-8
We have often heard the old cliche` "When one door closes, another one opens". I have often wondered if that were true or if it was a saying made with the intention of softening the blows of our disappointments, failed plans, and shattered dreams. But according to the above passage, it IS very true.
Joshua and I have experienced many of these moments in our lives, especially during the past two years. After some very hurtful, difficult times, I sought other employment. A friend told me of an opening for a school nurse, so I jumped on the opportunity. We just knew this was the answer to our prayers in several areas of our life.
The disappointment was bitter when the letter came and the official news was given at the board meeting that someone else was chosen to fill that position. It was very difficult for me to see any benefit to this. But, I trudged along struggling to keep myself out of the darkness of disappointment and depression while others tried to encourage me with ,"It wasn't in God's plans for you." or "It wasn't meant to be." or the infamous,"When God closes one door, He opens another." As well intended people's words were, they did nothing to soothe my hurting and broken heart.
But, as I put myself out there to substitute teach, the word was given to me that there was a reading interventionist leaving her position for another job, maybe I would like that. So, I spent the time and money to take the exam to certify me as a paraprofessional (teacher's aide). But, I met another dead end...they were not filling the vacancy after all.
So, after the Christmas holidays, I continued to substitute. Several weeks into the new year, I was approached by the principal. She told me that they did want to fill the vacancy and if I wanted it, the job was mine. And in a by-the-way sort of manner, she mentioned that she had heard that I had my bachelor's degree and that the interventionist position was perfect for me to work on my post-baccalaureate certification for education.
WOW! In my words, "God opened another door, and perhaps a window, too!" I am a nurse; I love being a nurse. I would jump on a school nurse position in a heartbeat. However, a spark of interest in teaching was ignited at that moment in time. That spring and this fall, I have found just how much I love small group interventions. I love what I am doing right now!
Just as I was settling into not getting a school nurse position and loving my job as an interventionist, Josh began to really struggle with his job/career choice and lack of pay and benefits for our family. We were plunging deeper and deeper into debt. He began to feel the weight of this weigh very heavily on his shoulders and in his heart. We prayed and talked and thought very hard about a career change for him.
So, this past fall, we agreed that he would put out some feelers and applications with some offshore companies. One Friday, he had stopped off at his uncle's and mentioned his new job search. His uncle said that he thought his supervisor was looking for a guy right now to fill a new position on a 2-man platform that was going to become a 3-man crew.
So, his uncle called his boss who told Josh that, yes, he needed someone like yesterday and to call him first thing Monday morning. WOW! Another door opened, or so we thought.
Monday, Josh worked very hard to try to reach this guy. Then when he did, there was quite a bit of hesitation about the position. A door slammed shut, or so we thought. It seemed as if the position had never officially existed or they already had someone in mind for or had filled the position.
By now, we had become a bit more adapted to closed doors and resigned ourselves to the fact that this was not a door to be opened. The next morning, Josh received a text message from the guy to call ASAP. So Josh did. Then I got a message asking me to meet him outside to talk. He asked if I was ready for the offshore wife life. The man told Josh the position was his if he wanted it. And if he wanted it, he needed to report the next day for training and would begin his first hitch out the next week.
Okay...DOUBLE WOW! We had just experienced a roller coaster of opened doors, closed doors, and now opened doors. He took the job and regretfully had to give a letter of resignation from the police department effective immediately instead of the customary two-weeks' notice. that was a very difficult thing for him to do. Josh was a police officer because he loved what he did, he was good at what he did. He made a huge sacrifice for the betterment of our family.
The past two years have been full of opened and closed doors (and some windows, as I like to say). The above examples are just a few. It was just recently that I came across the passage in Revelation that answers the question in the title "Does one door really open after another one closes?" The answer is most emphatically "Yes!" The main concepts I got from this passage were that when one door closes, another one opens; that what God opens cannot be closed; and that what God closes cannot be opened.
The doors, or maybe just windows, aren't always the ones for which we are searching. They may lead to totally foreign and uncharted territories. But, they are there. God does provide opportunities for His children. And, as I have learned, once He closes that door, it does not benefit me to dwell on what was on the other side. Instead, I must look to the new, open door to what He has in store for my future!
True to form, I have no real idea as to what the title is about. I think I have a general thought and found a Scripture passage I had written on a piece of paper. I am assuming that the passage is for this entry since it refers to closed and open doors.
"These are the words of him who is holy and true, who holds the key of David. What he opens no one can shut, and what he shuts no one can open. I know your deeds. See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut. I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name."--Revelation 3:7-8
We have often heard the old cliche` "When one door closes, another one opens". I have often wondered if that were true or if it was a saying made with the intention of softening the blows of our disappointments, failed plans, and shattered dreams. But according to the above passage, it IS very true.
Joshua and I have experienced many of these moments in our lives, especially during the past two years. After some very hurtful, difficult times, I sought other employment. A friend told me of an opening for a school nurse, so I jumped on the opportunity. We just knew this was the answer to our prayers in several areas of our life.
The disappointment was bitter when the letter came and the official news was given at the board meeting that someone else was chosen to fill that position. It was very difficult for me to see any benefit to this. But, I trudged along struggling to keep myself out of the darkness of disappointment and depression while others tried to encourage me with ,"It wasn't in God's plans for you." or "It wasn't meant to be." or the infamous,"When God closes one door, He opens another." As well intended people's words were, they did nothing to soothe my hurting and broken heart.
But, as I put myself out there to substitute teach, the word was given to me that there was a reading interventionist leaving her position for another job, maybe I would like that. So, I spent the time and money to take the exam to certify me as a paraprofessional (teacher's aide). But, I met another dead end...they were not filling the vacancy after all.
So, after the Christmas holidays, I continued to substitute. Several weeks into the new year, I was approached by the principal. She told me that they did want to fill the vacancy and if I wanted it, the job was mine. And in a by-the-way sort of manner, she mentioned that she had heard that I had my bachelor's degree and that the interventionist position was perfect for me to work on my post-baccalaureate certification for education.
WOW! In my words, "God opened another door, and perhaps a window, too!" I am a nurse; I love being a nurse. I would jump on a school nurse position in a heartbeat. However, a spark of interest in teaching was ignited at that moment in time. That spring and this fall, I have found just how much I love small group interventions. I love what I am doing right now!
Just as I was settling into not getting a school nurse position and loving my job as an interventionist, Josh began to really struggle with his job/career choice and lack of pay and benefits for our family. We were plunging deeper and deeper into debt. He began to feel the weight of this weigh very heavily on his shoulders and in his heart. We prayed and talked and thought very hard about a career change for him.
So, this past fall, we agreed that he would put out some feelers and applications with some offshore companies. One Friday, he had stopped off at his uncle's and mentioned his new job search. His uncle said that he thought his supervisor was looking for a guy right now to fill a new position on a 2-man platform that was going to become a 3-man crew.
So, his uncle called his boss who told Josh that, yes, he needed someone like yesterday and to call him first thing Monday morning. WOW! Another door opened, or so we thought.
Monday, Josh worked very hard to try to reach this guy. Then when he did, there was quite a bit of hesitation about the position. A door slammed shut, or so we thought. It seemed as if the position had never officially existed or they already had someone in mind for or had filled the position.
By now, we had become a bit more adapted to closed doors and resigned ourselves to the fact that this was not a door to be opened. The next morning, Josh received a text message from the guy to call ASAP. So Josh did. Then I got a message asking me to meet him outside to talk. He asked if I was ready for the offshore wife life. The man told Josh the position was his if he wanted it. And if he wanted it, he needed to report the next day for training and would begin his first hitch out the next week.
Okay...DOUBLE WOW! We had just experienced a roller coaster of opened doors, closed doors, and now opened doors. He took the job and regretfully had to give a letter of resignation from the police department effective immediately instead of the customary two-weeks' notice. that was a very difficult thing for him to do. Josh was a police officer because he loved what he did, he was good at what he did. He made a huge sacrifice for the betterment of our family.
The past two years have been full of opened and closed doors (and some windows, as I like to say). The above examples are just a few. It was just recently that I came across the passage in Revelation that answers the question in the title "Does one door really open after another one closes?" The answer is most emphatically "Yes!" The main concepts I got from this passage were that when one door closes, another one opens; that what God opens cannot be closed; and that what God closes cannot be opened.
The doors, or maybe just windows, aren't always the ones for which we are searching. They may lead to totally foreign and uncharted territories. But, they are there. God does provide opportunities for His children. And, as I have learned, once He closes that door, it does not benefit me to dwell on what was on the other side. Instead, I must look to the new, open door to what He has in store for my future!
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Removing the Pain to Receive Healing
On the same journey that inspired my views of God as the Great Artist, I was going over a verse from a very old hymn. I recall finding myself musing about the fact that there is a message to be found in all Christian music no matter the genre! I quite often speak of more contemporary pieces because that is what always plays in our van.
However, the last verse of this hymn really spoke to me. And, I remember thinking something like, "A song so old can still speak volumes to us today!" So often, we find ourselves drawn to one (or a few) particular styles of Christian music. But, they were all inspired by the Holy Spirit and offer us valuable and meaningful messages.
The hymn is "I Want a Principle Within" by Charles Wesley.
1. I want a principle within of watchful, godly fear,
A sensibility of sin, a pain to feel it near.
I want the first approach to feel of pride or wrong desire,
To catch the wandering of my will, and quench the kindling fire.
2. From Thee that I no more may stray, no more Thy goodness grieve,
Grant me the filial awe, I pray, the tender conscience give.
Quick as the apple of an eye, O God, my conscience make;
Awake my soul when sin is nigh, and keep it still awake.
3. Almighty God of truth and love, to me, Thy power impart;
The mountain from my soul remove, the hardness from my heart.
O may the least omission pain my reawakened soul
And drive one to that blood again, which makes the wounded whole.
Something about that third verse really spoke to me. I am very aware of the many hurts that I still hold in my heart. The image of a mountain in my soul is very powerful. I envision this mountain to be all of those hurts and resentful feelings. This mountain, much as a real mountain, is huge, an obstruction. And this obstruction bring hardness to my heart.
I need to remove the obstruction from my heart in order to be more aware of myself and how I treat others. To be able to be aware of my own flaws (conceit, envy, not forgiving someone), I first have to remove the mountain to be able to see into my soul.
I also envision that mountain as a protective barrier, a wall. I quite often find myself putting up that wall for fear of being hurt. But by keeping a part of myself walled off, blocked by that mountain, I can cause a permanent hardness in my soul.
I cannot fully love someone with an obstruction in my heart. In turn, I cannot fully receive love, without first removing that mountain. And to be truly able to love and receive love, I must remove all of the obstruction. I must be painfully aware of any of that mountain left behind.
And if I should end up hurt, or if I am hurt now, as I take down that wall, I need to run to Jesus. For by His blood, I am healed. My wounded soul can be made whole. But to know that there is a wound, I must first remove that mountain.
This process brings to mind an analogy of a dentist visit. You know, one of those ones that's not so pleasant, where you have to get a filling. To repair the defect (the wound) the tooth (soul) must be prepared and drilled out (mountain removed). Once the tooth is ready, the filling can take place.
Like the material that is used to fill the void in the tooth, so the blood of Jesus is to our soul after we take down the walls and expose our wounds. As the filling material corrects the defect, the tooth becomes whole again. As the blood of Jesus fills our wounded souls, we can become whole again. "...And drive me to that blood again, which makes the wounded whole."
However, the last verse of this hymn really spoke to me. And, I remember thinking something like, "A song so old can still speak volumes to us today!" So often, we find ourselves drawn to one (or a few) particular styles of Christian music. But, they were all inspired by the Holy Spirit and offer us valuable and meaningful messages.
The hymn is "I Want a Principle Within" by Charles Wesley.
1. I want a principle within of watchful, godly fear,
A sensibility of sin, a pain to feel it near.
I want the first approach to feel of pride or wrong desire,
To catch the wandering of my will, and quench the kindling fire.
2. From Thee that I no more may stray, no more Thy goodness grieve,
Grant me the filial awe, I pray, the tender conscience give.
Quick as the apple of an eye, O God, my conscience make;
Awake my soul when sin is nigh, and keep it still awake.
3. Almighty God of truth and love, to me, Thy power impart;
The mountain from my soul remove, the hardness from my heart.
O may the least omission pain my reawakened soul
And drive one to that blood again, which makes the wounded whole.
Something about that third verse really spoke to me. I am very aware of the many hurts that I still hold in my heart. The image of a mountain in my soul is very powerful. I envision this mountain to be all of those hurts and resentful feelings. This mountain, much as a real mountain, is huge, an obstruction. And this obstruction bring hardness to my heart.
I need to remove the obstruction from my heart in order to be more aware of myself and how I treat others. To be able to be aware of my own flaws (conceit, envy, not forgiving someone), I first have to remove the mountain to be able to see into my soul.
I also envision that mountain as a protective barrier, a wall. I quite often find myself putting up that wall for fear of being hurt. But by keeping a part of myself walled off, blocked by that mountain, I can cause a permanent hardness in my soul.
I cannot fully love someone with an obstruction in my heart. In turn, I cannot fully receive love, without first removing that mountain. And to be truly able to love and receive love, I must remove all of the obstruction. I must be painfully aware of any of that mountain left behind.
And if I should end up hurt, or if I am hurt now, as I take down that wall, I need to run to Jesus. For by His blood, I am healed. My wounded soul can be made whole. But to know that there is a wound, I must first remove that mountain.
This process brings to mind an analogy of a dentist visit. You know, one of those ones that's not so pleasant, where you have to get a filling. To repair the defect (the wound) the tooth (soul) must be prepared and drilled out (mountain removed). Once the tooth is ready, the filling can take place.
Like the material that is used to fill the void in the tooth, so the blood of Jesus is to our soul after we take down the walls and expose our wounds. As the filling material corrects the defect, the tooth becomes whole again. As the blood of Jesus fills our wounded souls, we can become whole again. "...And drive me to that blood again, which makes the wounded whole."
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
The Great Artist
Yet another series of thoughts in my little book came during a long drive while my children were sleeping. Since they were resting, the radio was off, and I worried about staying awake myself. However, the only challenge I had was trying to jot down a fraction of my thoughts during that journey!
The drive that day was a very familiar route, one traveled often to go to my mom's house. However, that day I found the surroundings to be very different. With the beautiful fall colors came an awesome experience.
The pain was not as drab as usual. It was very refreshing to view the canvas of God's beautiful art. He as the Great Artist, can create colors in nature that no man can replicate.
And as I marveled at the beauty of it all, I began to see a parallel with our lives. God can take the drab in our lives and liven it up with the colors of His love. He can take the broken/worn-out and turn it into a beautiful piece of art. He can take that "same old so-and-so" type of a life and totally rework it so that it is almost unrecognizable.
His love will shine through us, and His light will dance in our lives much like that of a Thomas Kinkade painting. People will enjoy God's "art" in us. They will want to know more about our God. We are all a part of His living art gallery. We can be the piece that brings His message of love and grace to others.
There are many passages in the Bible that speak of God working on us/perfecting us. We have the illustration of God being the potter and we the clay. there is the image of the silversmith purifying the silver by putting it to the hot flames. But when was the last time you considered yourself an art piece of the Great Artist?
I am not very artistic, nor do I claim to be. But I do take great delight in admiring the beautiful art in God's creation. I love to stare at the innumerable shades of colors in each "canvas" that I view. And, I have found that I was very much like the image of God as the Great Artist.
His creation is His masterpiece but it is an ever-changing portrait. And much like in a gallery He has a piece on display. Like a piece of art has a message or meaning behind it, we too can have a message...God, like an artist will continue to make adjustments in our "colors" or "hues". He will continue to work on how the light will reflect off us or make our canvas come to life.
His work on us will not be complete until we take our last breath here on earth. But we can join all of creation and be a part of God's living art gallery. We can be on display for all the world to see the beauty of the Great Artist's work.
So, the next time you are stuck travelling or find yourself with some down time, take a moment and admire a bit of God's work. Look at those magnificent colors. Take in the beauty of it. But, most of all remember that you are a part of His canvas, as well. Let His colors be shown through you. And may all the world see how the Great Artist's love dances within you.
The drive that day was a very familiar route, one traveled often to go to my mom's house. However, that day I found the surroundings to be very different. With the beautiful fall colors came an awesome experience.
The pain was not as drab as usual. It was very refreshing to view the canvas of God's beautiful art. He as the Great Artist, can create colors in nature that no man can replicate.
And as I marveled at the beauty of it all, I began to see a parallel with our lives. God can take the drab in our lives and liven it up with the colors of His love. He can take the broken/worn-out and turn it into a beautiful piece of art. He can take that "same old so-and-so" type of a life and totally rework it so that it is almost unrecognizable.
His love will shine through us, and His light will dance in our lives much like that of a Thomas Kinkade painting. People will enjoy God's "art" in us. They will want to know more about our God. We are all a part of His living art gallery. We can be the piece that brings His message of love and grace to others.
There are many passages in the Bible that speak of God working on us/perfecting us. We have the illustration of God being the potter and we the clay. there is the image of the silversmith purifying the silver by putting it to the hot flames. But when was the last time you considered yourself an art piece of the Great Artist?
I am not very artistic, nor do I claim to be. But I do take great delight in admiring the beautiful art in God's creation. I love to stare at the innumerable shades of colors in each "canvas" that I view. And, I have found that I was very much like the image of God as the Great Artist.
His creation is His masterpiece but it is an ever-changing portrait. And much like in a gallery He has a piece on display. Like a piece of art has a message or meaning behind it, we too can have a message...God, like an artist will continue to make adjustments in our "colors" or "hues". He will continue to work on how the light will reflect off us or make our canvas come to life.
His work on us will not be complete until we take our last breath here on earth. But we can join all of creation and be a part of God's living art gallery. We can be on display for all the world to see the beauty of the Great Artist's work.
So, the next time you are stuck travelling or find yourself with some down time, take a moment and admire a bit of God's work. Look at those magnificent colors. Take in the beauty of it. But, most of all remember that you are a part of His canvas, as well. Let His colors be shown through you. And may all the world see how the Great Artist's love dances within you.
From Ashes to New Beginnings
So, this was yet another series of jotted ideas in my mini-composition book from way back in the fall. But as I was putting these thoughts into blog entries, I realized how awesome our service at church today tied into this message of renewal.
Today at church we celebrated a service very unique to any worship experience I have ever had. It was a Wesleyan Covenant Service. During the service, there is a litany that addresses all the areas and parts of us and our lives we must relinquish and prepare in order to covenant with our Lord.
The man leading the service prefaced this litany by saying that a covenant is different than a goal. He shared how his family set goals each new year for individuals in the family and for the family as a whole. They come together mid-year for a "status report" (my words). At the end of one year and the beginning of the next, they see what goals were met. Not all goals are met. He said that we all sometimes fall short of our goals. In fact, we could look back on the year and count it a total flop, a total failure. But a covenant with God...it will still be there.
My original thoughts were scribbled notes about second chances and new beginnings and growth through pain, tragedies, and mistakes. By making my own covenant with God, He offers me growth, a new beginning, and a second chance. He will not break the covenant. If I were to have formed the covenant, it would be me to break it.
The song that came to mind during my brainstorming was "Ashes" by Shawn McDonald. But as I write in my journal, I find interest in the verses of Scripture found on the first two pages of this entry.
In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, and in accordance with the riches of God's grace. (Ephesians 1:7)
I trust in Your unfailing love. I will rejoice because You have rescued me. I will sing to the Lord because He has been so good to me. (Psalm 13:5-6)
Both passages have portions that flow with the theme of the song and with my thoughts for this entry.
"Ashes"--Shawn McDonald
Yes I will rise
Out of these ashes rise
From this trouble I have found
And this rubble on the ground
I will rise
Yes I will rise
Out of these ashes rise
From this trouble I have found
And this rubble on the ground
I will rise
'Cause He Who is in me
Is greater than I will ever be
And I will rise
Sometimes my heart is on the ground
And hope is nowhere to be found
Love is a figment I once knew
And yet I hold on to what I know is true
Yes I will rise
Out of these ashes rise
From this trouble I have found
And this rubble on the ground
I will rise
'Cause He Who is in me
Is greater than I will ever be
And I will rise
Well I keep on coming to this place
That I don't know quite how to face
So I lay down my life in hopes to die
That somehow I might rise
Yes I will rise
Out of these ashes rise
From this trouble I have found
And this rubble on the ground
I will rise
'Cause He Who is in me
Is greater than I will ever be
And I will rise
Some of the litany today spoke of (very roughly paraphrased) the Lord giving us everything and giving us nothing and that in spite of the bad and all through the good, I will keep my covenant with Him. It should not matter what the circumstance, I should always praise my Lord.
Shawn McDonald speaks of the new beginning we can find in Christ. It does not matter what we have done or the broken pieces we have become, when we form a covenant with our Lord, He can make us new. But in order to become new, we must first die to the old...the old habits, the old ways of placing idols (money, material things, etc.) in front of the Lord. As he states in the song,"So I lay down my life in hopes to die that somehow I might rise."
In dying to my old way of living, in recognizing the "rubble on the ground" (misplaced priorities), in bringing all of myself to the Lord, I can rise out of the ashes of my old self and into the light of my Lord. There, I can show all of myself, blemishes and all. I can fall at His feet with a truly open heart ready to commit all of me to my God. What an awesome way to start my new year...a new beginning with a new me born out of the ashes and risen to stand in covenant with my Lord!
Today at church we celebrated a service very unique to any worship experience I have ever had. It was a Wesleyan Covenant Service. During the service, there is a litany that addresses all the areas and parts of us and our lives we must relinquish and prepare in order to covenant with our Lord.
The man leading the service prefaced this litany by saying that a covenant is different than a goal. He shared how his family set goals each new year for individuals in the family and for the family as a whole. They come together mid-year for a "status report" (my words). At the end of one year and the beginning of the next, they see what goals were met. Not all goals are met. He said that we all sometimes fall short of our goals. In fact, we could look back on the year and count it a total flop, a total failure. But a covenant with God...it will still be there.
My original thoughts were scribbled notes about second chances and new beginnings and growth through pain, tragedies, and mistakes. By making my own covenant with God, He offers me growth, a new beginning, and a second chance. He will not break the covenant. If I were to have formed the covenant, it would be me to break it.
The song that came to mind during my brainstorming was "Ashes" by Shawn McDonald. But as I write in my journal, I find interest in the verses of Scripture found on the first two pages of this entry.
In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, and in accordance with the riches of God's grace. (Ephesians 1:7)
I trust in Your unfailing love. I will rejoice because You have rescued me. I will sing to the Lord because He has been so good to me. (Psalm 13:5-6)
Both passages have portions that flow with the theme of the song and with my thoughts for this entry.
"Ashes"--Shawn McDonald
Yes I will rise
Out of these ashes rise
From this trouble I have found
And this rubble on the ground
I will rise
Yes I will rise
Out of these ashes rise
From this trouble I have found
And this rubble on the ground
I will rise
'Cause He Who is in me
Is greater than I will ever be
And I will rise
Sometimes my heart is on the ground
And hope is nowhere to be found
Love is a figment I once knew
And yet I hold on to what I know is true
Yes I will rise
Out of these ashes rise
From this trouble I have found
And this rubble on the ground
I will rise
'Cause He Who is in me
Is greater than I will ever be
And I will rise
Well I keep on coming to this place
That I don't know quite how to face
So I lay down my life in hopes to die
That somehow I might rise
Yes I will rise
Out of these ashes rise
From this trouble I have found
And this rubble on the ground
I will rise
'Cause He Who is in me
Is greater than I will ever be
And I will rise
Some of the litany today spoke of (very roughly paraphrased) the Lord giving us everything and giving us nothing and that in spite of the bad and all through the good, I will keep my covenant with Him. It should not matter what the circumstance, I should always praise my Lord.
Shawn McDonald speaks of the new beginning we can find in Christ. It does not matter what we have done or the broken pieces we have become, when we form a covenant with our Lord, He can make us new. But in order to become new, we must first die to the old...the old habits, the old ways of placing idols (money, material things, etc.) in front of the Lord. As he states in the song,"So I lay down my life in hopes to die that somehow I might rise."
In dying to my old way of living, in recognizing the "rubble on the ground" (misplaced priorities), in bringing all of myself to the Lord, I can rise out of the ashes of my old self and into the light of my Lord. There, I can show all of myself, blemishes and all. I can fall at His feet with a truly open heart ready to commit all of me to my God. What an awesome way to start my new year...a new beginning with a new me born out of the ashes and risen to stand in covenant with my Lord!
I CAN'T Do It, But YOU CAN!
I have had so many thoughts and emotions to work through the past couple of months that writing material has not been an issue. Rather, it was actually an issue as to what to pick from to use as material. I have a mini-composition book that is quickly filling with jotted down thoughts before they get jumbled with everything else.
The most recent huge event in our life has been my husband's career change. This change has brought us periods of his absence. Right now, they come seven days at a time. We have all had to make quite a few emotional adjustments.
During the first rotation Joshua was gone, we both had a total meltdown of sorts. I found myself in the shower crying when Matthew West's new song "Strong Enough" came to my mind.
You must, You must think I'm strong
To give me what I'm going through
Well forgive me, forgive me if I'm wrong
But this looks like more than I can do
On my own
I know I'm not strong enough to be
Everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up, I'm not strong enough
Hands of mercy won't You cover me?
Lord, right now I'm asking You to be
Strong enough, strong enough
For the both of us
Well maybe, maybe that's the point
To reach the point of giving up
'Cause when I'm finally, finally at rock bottom
That's when I start looking up
And reaching out
I know I'm not strong enough to be
Everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up, I'm not strong enough
Hands of mercy won't You cover me?
Lord, right now I'm asking You to be
Strong enough, strong enough
'Cause I'm broken
Down to nothing
But I'm still holding on to the one thing
You are God
And You are strong when I am weak
I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength
And I don't have to be strong enough
I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength
And I don't have to be
Strong enough, strong enough
Oh yeah
I know I'm not strong enough to be
Everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up, I'm not strong enough
Hands of mercy won't You cover me?
Lord, right now I'm asking You to be
Strong enough, strong enough, strong enough
At my breaking point, I realized I had been trying to do things on my own, everything. As I stood there I realized that I had been banging my head on the wall through this whole adjustment process by insisting I could do it on my own. And like the lyrics, I reached point of giving up, and finally reached out and looked up. I looked up with tears streaming down my face and cried, "Oh God, I can't do this alone. But, Lord with You, I know I can get through this."
Words cannot describe the immediate sense of peace that washed over me. You want to know the cool part of all of this, the God part? It is even bigger than my immediate peace. At about the same time as I hit rock bottom, Josh hit his rock bottom in a stairwell at work. He sank inside and cried out to God. His words were not exactly like mine, but similar. He too felt a burden lifted and a peace fill his heart.
Through this experience, we both realized we were fighting to do things on our own...To cope with the emotional adjustments alone...To deal with the stress alone...To deal with the stress alone. But, when we finally reached out to our Lord, we were able to handle all of this much more easily.
Then I began to think further...How many of us struggle through life alone? How many of us are banging our heads against the wall? How many of us are asking "Why?" and "How am I supposed to do this?" How many of us are screaming, "I can't do this!" but are not looking up and reaching out?
Oh, how much easier our lives could be! Oh, how much lighter the loads could be! Oh, the peace that we could know...if only we would seek our Lord. If we would keep Him at the center of all that is good, of all that is tough, of all parts of our lives, we would have more peace, lighter burdens, shared sorrows and disappointments, and double (or infinitely more) the joys and blessings.
I still have to remind myself that I need to refocus. I still have to daily admit that I CANNOT do it on my own. I sometimes catch myself being fiercely independent (or attempting to be so) when I have to remember, "I can't do it, but You, Lord, can!)
The most recent huge event in our life has been my husband's career change. This change has brought us periods of his absence. Right now, they come seven days at a time. We have all had to make quite a few emotional adjustments.
During the first rotation Joshua was gone, we both had a total meltdown of sorts. I found myself in the shower crying when Matthew West's new song "Strong Enough" came to my mind.
You must, You must think I'm strong
To give me what I'm going through
Well forgive me, forgive me if I'm wrong
But this looks like more than I can do
On my own
I know I'm not strong enough to be
Everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up, I'm not strong enough
Hands of mercy won't You cover me?
Lord, right now I'm asking You to be
Strong enough, strong enough
For the both of us
Well maybe, maybe that's the point
To reach the point of giving up
'Cause when I'm finally, finally at rock bottom
That's when I start looking up
And reaching out
I know I'm not strong enough to be
Everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up, I'm not strong enough
Hands of mercy won't You cover me?
Lord, right now I'm asking You to be
Strong enough, strong enough
'Cause I'm broken
Down to nothing
But I'm still holding on to the one thing
You are God
And You are strong when I am weak
I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength
And I don't have to be strong enough
I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength
And I don't have to be
Strong enough, strong enough
Oh yeah
I know I'm not strong enough to be
Everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up, I'm not strong enough
Hands of mercy won't You cover me?
Lord, right now I'm asking You to be
Strong enough, strong enough, strong enough
At my breaking point, I realized I had been trying to do things on my own, everything. As I stood there I realized that I had been banging my head on the wall through this whole adjustment process by insisting I could do it on my own. And like the lyrics, I reached point of giving up, and finally reached out and looked up. I looked up with tears streaming down my face and cried, "Oh God, I can't do this alone. But, Lord with You, I know I can get through this."
Words cannot describe the immediate sense of peace that washed over me. You want to know the cool part of all of this, the God part? It is even bigger than my immediate peace. At about the same time as I hit rock bottom, Josh hit his rock bottom in a stairwell at work. He sank inside and cried out to God. His words were not exactly like mine, but similar. He too felt a burden lifted and a peace fill his heart.
Through this experience, we both realized we were fighting to do things on our own...To cope with the emotional adjustments alone...To deal with the stress alone...To deal with the stress alone. But, when we finally reached out to our Lord, we were able to handle all of this much more easily.
Then I began to think further...How many of us struggle through life alone? How many of us are banging our heads against the wall? How many of us are asking "Why?" and "How am I supposed to do this?" How many of us are screaming, "I can't do this!" but are not looking up and reaching out?
Oh, how much easier our lives could be! Oh, how much lighter the loads could be! Oh, the peace that we could know...if only we would seek our Lord. If we would keep Him at the center of all that is good, of all that is tough, of all parts of our lives, we would have more peace, lighter burdens, shared sorrows and disappointments, and double (or infinitely more) the joys and blessings.
I still have to remind myself that I need to refocus. I still have to daily admit that I CANNOT do it on my own. I sometimes catch myself being fiercely independent (or attempting to be so) when I have to remember, "I can't do it, but You, Lord, can!)
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