I CAN'T Do It, But YOU CAN!

I have had so many thoughts and emotions to work through the past couple of months that writing material has not been an issue. Rather, it was actually an issue as to what to pick from to use as material. I have a mini-composition book that is quickly filling with jotted down thoughts before they get jumbled with everything else.

The most recent huge event in our life has been my husband's career change. This change has brought us periods of his absence. Right now, they come seven days at a time. We have all had to make quite a few emotional adjustments.

During the first rotation Joshua was gone, we both had a total meltdown of sorts. I found myself in the shower crying when Matthew West's new song "Strong Enough" came to my mind.

You must, You must think I'm strong
To give me what I'm going through
Well forgive me, forgive me if I'm wrong
But this looks like more than I can do
On my own

I know I'm not strong enough to be
Everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up, I'm not strong enough
Hands of mercy won't You cover me?
Lord, right now I'm asking You to be
Strong enough, strong enough
For the both of us

Well maybe, maybe that's the point
To reach the point of giving up
'Cause when I'm finally, finally at rock bottom
That's when I start looking up
And reaching out

I know I'm not strong enough to be
Everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up, I'm not strong enough
Hands of mercy won't You cover me?
Lord, right now I'm asking You to be
Strong enough, strong enough

'Cause I'm broken
Down to nothing
But I'm still holding on to the one thing
You are God
And You are strong when I am weak
I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength
And I don't have to be strong enough
I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength
And I don't have to be
Strong enough, strong enough
Oh yeah

I know I'm not strong enough to be
Everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up, I'm not strong enough
Hands of mercy won't You cover me?
Lord, right now I'm asking You to be
Strong enough, strong enough, strong enough

At my breaking point, I realized I had been trying to do things on my own, everything. As I stood there  I realized that I had been banging my head on the wall through this whole adjustment process by insisting I could do it on my own. And like the lyrics, I reached point of giving up, and finally reached out and looked up. I looked up with tears streaming down my face and cried, "Oh God, I can't do this alone. But, Lord with You, I know I can get through this."

Words cannot describe the immediate sense of peace that washed over me. You want to know the cool part of all of this, the God part? It is even bigger than my immediate peace. At about the same time as I hit rock bottom, Josh hit his rock bottom in a stairwell at work. He sank inside and cried out to God. His words were not exactly like mine, but similar. He too felt a burden lifted and a peace fill his heart.

Through this experience, we both realized we were fighting to do things on our own...To cope with the emotional adjustments alone...To deal with the stress alone...To deal with the stress alone. But, when we finally reached out to our Lord, we were able to handle all of this much more easily.

Then I began to think further...How many of us struggle through life alone? How many of us are banging our heads against the wall? How many of us are asking "Why?" and "How am I supposed to do this?" How many of us are screaming, "I can't do this!" but are not looking up and reaching out?

Oh, how much easier our lives could be! Oh, how much lighter the loads could be! Oh, the peace that we could know...if only we would seek our Lord. If we would keep Him at the center of all that is good, of all that is tough, of all parts of our lives, we would have more peace, lighter burdens, shared sorrows and disappointments, and double (or infinitely more) the joys and blessings.

I still have to remind myself that I need to refocus. I still have to daily admit that I CANNOT do it on my own. I sometimes catch myself being fiercely independent (or attempting to be so) when I have to remember, "I can't do it, but You, Lord, can!)