Sarah's Blog

Removing the Pain to Receive Healing

2012-01-05T19:43:00.000-08:00

On the same journey that inspired my views of God as the Great Artist, I was going over a verse from a very old hymn. I recall finding myself musing about the fact that there is a message to be found in all Christian music no matter the genre! I quite often speak of more contemporary pieces because that is what always plays in our van.

However, the last verse of this hymn really spoke to me. And, I remember thinking something like, "A song so old can still speak volumes to us today!" So often, we find ourselves drawn to one (or a few) particular styles of Christian music. But, they were all inspired by the Holy Spirit and offer us valuable and meaningful messages.

The hymn is "I Want a Principle Within" by Charles Wesley.
1. I want a principle within of watchful, godly fear,
A sensibility of sin, a pain to feel it near.
I want the first approach to feel of pride or wrong desire,
To catch the wandering of my will, and quench the kindling fire.
2. From Thee that I no more may stray, no more Thy goodness grieve,
Grant me the filial awe, I pray, the tender conscience give.
Quick as the apple of an eye, O God, my conscience make;
Awake my soul when sin is nigh, and keep it still awake.
3. Almighty God of truth and love, to me, Thy power impart;
The mountain from my soul remove, the hardness from my heart.
O may the least omission pain my reawakened soul
And drive one to that blood again, which makes the wounded whole.

Something about that third verse really spoke to me. I am very aware of the many hurts that I still hold in my heart. The image of a mountain in my soul is very powerful. I envision this mountain to be all of those hurts and resentful feelings. This mountain, much as a real mountain, is huge, an obstruction. And this obstruction bring hardness to my heart.

I need to remove the obstruction from my heart in order to be more aware of myself and how I treat others. To be able to be aware of my own flaws (conceit, envy, not forgiving someone), I first have to remove the mountain to be able to see into my soul.

I also envision that mountain as a protective barrier, a wall. I quite often find myself putting up that wall for fear of being hurt. But by keeping a part of myself walled off, blocked by that mountain, I can cause a permanent hardness in my soul.

I cannot fully love someone with an obstruction in my heart. In turn, I cannot fully receive love, without first removing that mountain. And to be truly able to love and receive love, I must remove all of the obstruction. I must be painfully aware of any of that mountain left behind.

And if I should end up hurt, or if I am hurt now, as I take down that wall, I need to run to Jesus. For by His blood, I am healed. My wounded soul can be made whole. But to know that there is a wound, I must first remove that mountain.

This process brings to mind an analogy of a dentist visit. You know, one of those ones that's not so pleasant, where you have to get a filling. To repair the defect (the wound) the tooth (soul) must be prepared and drilled out (mountain removed). Once the tooth is ready, the filling can take place.

Like the material that is used to fill the void in the tooth, so the blood of Jesus is to our soul after we take down the walls and expose our wounds. As the filling material corrects the defect, the tooth becomes whole again. As the blood of Jesus fills our wounded souls, we can become whole again. "...And drive me to that blood again, which makes the wounded whole."

The Great Artist

2012-01-03T21:46:00.000-08:00

Yet another series of thoughts in my little book came during a long drive while my children were sleeping. Since they were resting, the radio was off, and I worried about staying awake myself. However, the only challenge I had was trying to jot down a fraction of my thoughts during that journey!

The drive that day was a very familiar route, one traveled often to go to my mom's house. However, that day I found the surroundings to be very different. With the beautiful fall colors came an awesome experience.

The pain was not as drab as usual. It was very refreshing to view the canvas of God's beautiful art. He as the Great Artist, can create colors in nature that no man can replicate.

And as I marveled at the beauty of it all, I began to see a parallel with our lives. God can take the drab in our lives and liven it up with the colors of His love. He can take the broken/worn-out and turn it into a beautiful piece of art. He can take that "same old so-and-so" type of a life and totally rework it so that it is almost unrecognizable.

His love will shine through us, and His light will dance in our lives much like that of a Thomas Kinkade painting. People will enjoy God's "art" in us. They will want to know more about our God. We are all a part of His living art gallery. We can be the piece that brings His message of love and grace to others.

There are many passages in the Bible that speak of God working on us/perfecting us. We have the illustration of God being the potter and we the clay. there is the image of the silversmith purifying the silver by putting it to the hot flames. But when was the last time you considered yourself an art piece of the Great Artist?

I am not very artistic, nor do I claim to be. But I do take great delight in admiring the beautiful art in God's creation. I love to stare at the innumerable shades of colors in each "canvas" that I view. And, I have found that I was very much like the image of God as the Great Artist.

His creation is His masterpiece but it is an ever-changing portrait. And much like in a gallery He has a piece on display. Like a piece of art has a message or meaning behind it, we too can have a message...God, like an artist will continue to make adjustments in our "colors" or "hues". He will continue to work on how the light will reflect off us or make our canvas come to life.

His work on us will not be complete until we take our last breath here on earth. But we can join all of creation and be a part of God's living art gallery. We can be on display for all the world to see the beauty of the Great Artist's work.

So, the next time you are stuck travelling or find yourself with some down time, take a moment and admire a bit of God's work. Look at those magnificent colors. Take in the beauty of it. But, most of all remember that you are a part of His canvas, as well. Let His colors be shown through you. And may all the world see how the Great Artist's love dances within you.

From Ashes to New Beginnings

2012-01-03T21:29:00.000-08:00

So, this was yet another series of jotted ideas in my mini-composition book from way back in the fall. But as I was putting these thoughts into blog entries, I realized how awesome our service at church today tied into this message of renewal.

Today at church we celebrated a service very unique to any worship experience I have ever had. It was a Wesleyan Covenant Service. During the service, there is a litany that addresses all the areas and parts of us and our lives we must relinquish and prepare in order to covenant with our Lord.

The man leading the service prefaced this litany by saying that a covenant is different than a goal. He shared how his family set goals each new year for individuals in the family and for the family as a whole. They come together mid-year for a "status report" (my words). At the end of one year and the beginning of the next, they see what goals were met. Not all goals are met. He said that we all sometimes fall short of our goals. In fact, we could look back on the year and count it a total flop, a total failure. But a covenant with God...it will still be there.

My original thoughts were scribbled notes about second chances and new beginnings and growth through pain, tragedies, and mistakes. By making my own covenant with God, He offers me growth, a new beginning, and a second chance. He will not break the covenant. If I were to have formed the covenant, it would be me to break it.

The song that came to mind during my brainstorming was "Ashes" by Shawn McDonald. But as I write in my journal, I find interest in the verses of Scripture found on the first two pages of this entry.

In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, and in accordance with the riches of God's grace. (Ephesians 1:7)

I trust in Your unfailing love. I will rejoice because You have rescued me. I will sing to the Lord because He has been so good to me. (Psalm 13:5-6)

Both passages have portions that flow with the theme of the song and with my thoughts for this entry.

"Ashes"--Shawn McDonald
Yes I will rise
Out of these ashes rise
From this trouble I have found
And this rubble on the ground
I will rise

Yes I will rise
Out of these ashes rise
From this trouble I have found
And this rubble on the ground
I will rise
'Cause He Who is in me
Is greater than I will ever be
And I will rise

Sometimes my heart is on the ground
And hope is nowhere to be found
Love is a figment I once knew
And yet I hold on to what I know is true

Yes I will rise
Out of these ashes rise
From this trouble I have found
And this rubble on the ground
I will rise
'Cause He Who is in me
Is greater than I will ever be
And I will rise

Well I keep on coming to this place
That I don't know quite how to face
So I lay down my life in hopes to die
That somehow I might rise

Yes I will rise
Out of these ashes rise
From this trouble I have found
And this rubble on the ground
I will rise
'Cause He Who is in me
Is greater than I will ever be
And I will rise

Some of the litany today spoke of (very roughly paraphrased) the Lord giving us everything and giving us nothing and that in spite of the bad and all through the good, I will keep my covenant with Him. It should not matter what the circumstance, I should always praise my Lord.

Shawn McDonald speaks of the new beginning we can find in Christ. It does not matter what we have done or the broken pieces we have become, when we form a covenant with our Lord, He can make us new. But in order to become new, we must first die to the old...the old habits, the old ways of placing idols (money, material things, etc.) in front of the Lord. As he states in the song,"So I lay down my life in hopes to die that somehow I might rise."

In dying to my old way of living, in recognizing the "rubble on the ground" (misplaced priorities), in bringing all of myself to the Lord, I can rise out of the ashes of my old self and into the light of my Lord. There, I can show all of myself, blemishes and all. I can fall at His feet with a truly open heart ready to commit all of me to my God. What an awesome way to start my new year...a new beginning with a new me born out of the ashes and risen to stand in covenant with my Lord!

I CAN'T Do It, But YOU CAN!

2012-01-03T19:52:00.000-08:00

I have had so many thoughts and emotions to work through the past couple of months that writing material has not been an issue. Rather, it was actually an issue as to what to pick from to use as material. I have a mini-composition book that is quickly filling with jotted down thoughts before they get jumbled with everything else.

The most recent huge event in our life has been my husband's career change. This change has brought us periods of his absence. Right now, they come seven days at a time. We have all had to make quite a few emotional adjustments.

During the first rotation Joshua was gone, we both had a total meltdown of sorts. I found myself in the shower crying when Matthew West's new song "Strong Enough" came to my mind.

You must, You must think I'm strong
To give me what I'm going through
Well forgive me, forgive me if I'm wrong
But this looks like more than I can do
On my own

I know I'm not strong enough to be
Everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up, I'm not strong enough
Hands of mercy won't You cover me?
Lord, right now I'm asking You to be
Strong enough, strong enough
For the both of us

Well maybe, maybe that's the point
To reach the point of giving up
'Cause when I'm finally, finally at rock bottom
That's when I start looking up
And reaching out

I know I'm not strong enough to be
Everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up, I'm not strong enough
Hands of mercy won't You cover me?
Lord, right now I'm asking You to be
Strong enough, strong enough

'Cause I'm broken
Down to nothing
But I'm still holding on to the one thing
You are God
And You are strong when I am weak
I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength
And I don't have to be strong enough
I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength
And I don't have to be
Strong enough, strong enough
Oh yeah

I know I'm not strong enough to be
Everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up, I'm not strong enough
Hands of mercy won't You cover me?
Lord, right now I'm asking You to be
Strong enough, strong enough, strong enough

At my breaking point, I realized I had been trying to do things on my own, everything. As I stood there I realized that I had been banging my head on the wall through this whole adjustment process by insisting I could do it on my own. And like the lyrics, I reached point of giving up, and finally reached out and looked up. I looked up with tears streaming down my face and cried, "Oh God, I can't do this alone. But, Lord with You, I know I can get through this."

Words cannot describe the immediate sense of peace that washed over me. You want to know the cool part of all of this, the God part? It is even bigger than my immediate peace. At about the same time as I hit rock bottom, Josh hit his rock bottom in a stairwell at work. He sank inside and cried out to God. His words were not exactly like mine, but similar. He too felt a burden lifted and a peace fill his heart.

Through this experience, we both realized we were fighting to do things on our own...To cope with the emotional adjustments alone...To deal with the stress alone...To deal with the stress alone. But, when we finally reached out to our Lord, we were able to handle all of this much more easily.

Then I began to think further...How many of us struggle through life alone? How many of us are banging our heads against the wall? How many of us are asking "Why?" and "How am I supposed to do this?" How many of us are screaming, "I can't do this!" but are not looking up and reaching out?

Oh, how much easier our lives could be! Oh, how much lighter the loads could be! Oh, the peace that we could know...if only we would seek our Lord. If we would keep Him at the center of all that is good, of all that is tough, of all parts of our lives, we would have more peace, lighter burdens, shared sorrows and disappointments, and double (or infinitely more) the joys and blessings.

I still have to remind myself that I need to refocus. I still have to daily admit that I CANNOT do it on my own. I sometimes catch myself being fiercely independent (or attempting to be so) when I have to remember, "I can't do it, but You, Lord, can!)

Heaven Is Closer Than You Think

2011-11-07T17:26:00.000-08:00

****Preface: I wrote a passage this summer that I never posted. I was concerned about the context maybe not being quite what some people would understand about Heaven and loved ones that have passed away. However, I have recently attended two funeral services where the pastor has spoken about how Heaven is not far away. As a matter of fact, he said that it was right here, all around us. He also said that our loved ones never really leave us, that we might feel their presence closer at certain times. This is exactly the meaning behind the passage that I wrote in July of 2011! I don't think that I can even begin to describe how this made me feel, but I will be happy to share the entry with you.*****

WRITTEN ON JULY 15, 2011
Have you ever been missing a loved one lost to death and then have something happen to make you know that they know how you feel? I know this sounds strange, but hear me out as I attempt to explain.

I have lost several loved ones, but this past year and a half, nearly 2 years, I have lost two very special people. Both were strong Christians. They came from different stages in life. One was my 2year old niece and one was a dear friend in his early 70s. They died within one month of each other.

To this day, I miss them so much that it still brings tears to my eyes. Not long after "BJ", as we called our family friend, died, I found myself singing "You Are My Sunshine" to my children one night. Singing to them at night was not out of the norm, but that song I had never sung to them before. It was very shocking to me to find myself singing that song.

BJ was a retired minister who had become like a grandfather to us kids. He and his wife were very special to our family, and thus were special to my family as I began one of my own. He officiated at our wedding and baptized our triplets. He used to pick at me and say that he was going to tie my long, blond hair in a knot. But I knew he was joking. he lovingly nicknamed me "his Sunshine". I knew that my desire to sing that song was like a message from him letting me know he was watching over us.

A few weeks after that, my sister-in-law had come over to bring some pictures for a scrap book that I was putting together in memory of Erynn, my niece. It had been a good but emotional visit. As she left, I went out to the front room of my house and looked out the front door window. At that same time, Liz called me to tell me to look out the window. In my front yard was a large amount of the normal gray ring-necked doves. In the center of them stood one pure white dove. Another message...Erynn had been with us during our visit.

Just this last week, my husband and I renewed our wedding vows. Our ceremony was conducted by my grandfather's nephew in the gazebo on the property where my grandfather and his sisters lived as children. Gathered round us was a small group of family. As John began the service, he spoke of the importance of family. he asked all of them to stand and gather close around Josh and me. Then, on this very unusually hot day in Michigan, I felt a cool, soft breeze.

But, first let me backtrack to my day. It had been very emotional . I have not set foot in a cemetery since Erynn died nearly two years ago. After church this Sunday, my sister drove us all out to to visit a St. Jude friend's grave. She and Layton, my nephew, had become great friends while receiving treatments. Seeing the pictures on her tombstone made me very emotional. I had a rough time with the whole experience.

I could not help but also think of Josh's grandmother, Maw Maw. Our vow renewal was held on what would have been her 94th birthday. I knew she would have been so proud of her grandson. So as the wind gently blew through my grandparents' backyard, I felt the presence of the Lord descend upon our gathering. I choked up a bit as I remembered those lost loved ones but felt that they were there in spirit helping us reaffirm our vows.

It was such a great joy that we were able to reaffirm our vows before our family. But to me, it was that much more special to share it with our children.

I feel like the loved ones I have lost have been very influential in my life. I want to offer the same positive example to our children. I believe that God gives us those special moments (the dove, the song, the gentle breeze) in order to allow us to have our loved ones' spirits felt. In other words, their lives go on inside of our hearts, and moments especially like these allow us to feel their presence within our hearts.

I felt that we had the great privilege of sharing with our loved ones. We were able to share our commitment to each other in the eyes of God, our family, and our children. The raw emotion that I had experienced, the nerves, the planning suddenly did not matter. As I stood facing my husband, I felt the presence of God, of our lost loved ones, and loved ones present embrace the the two of us. I felt my heart fill with such joy and peace. Looking into his eyes, I saw the man God gave to me to support me in sickness and health, through financial hardships, and the rials of life. I saw my best friend. My best friend that has traveled a long road with me, that has brought me closer back to Him who brought us together--God. And God was there with BJ and Erynn and Maw Maw in that gentle breeze.

So, let those surprises carry you through. Let those unexpected events remind you that you are not alone and that our loved ones are not lost or gone. We know exactly where they are--HEAVEN. And they will NEVER be gone for our love for them allows them to live on inside our hearts. I can't help but think that BJ and Maw Maw were proud as they watched us once again promise to hold true our vows we made to each other and God. It was an awesome way to celebrate life and love and God!

Today, as I began to gather my thoughts to enter this blog, I began to hum a song that reminded me of my exact feelings that I experienced this summer--the same feelings that prompted the initial entry in my journal. I will close with this song by Diamond Rio.

"I Believe"
Every now and then
soft as breath upon my skin
I feel you come back again
And it's like you haven't been

Gone a moment from my side
Like the tears were never cried
Like the hands of time
Were pulling you and me

And with all my heart I'm sure
We're closer than we ever were
I don't have to hear or see
I've got all the proof I need

There are more than angels watching
Over me...I believe...Oh, I believe.

Now when you die your life goes on
It doesn't end here when you're gone
Every soul is filled with light
It never ends if I'm right

Our love can even reach across-
Eternity...I believe...Oh, I believe.

Forever you're a part of me
Forever in the hear of me
I will hold you even longer
If I can...

O the people who don't see the most
Say that I believe in ghosts
If that makes me crazy then I am
Cause I believe...Oh, I believe.

There are more than angels watching
Over me...I believe...Oh, I believe.

Every now and then
Soft as breath upon my skin
I feel you come back again...
And I believe...

This Is God's Will For me...or Is It?

2011-08-25T20:05:00.000-07:00

"If you want to know what God wants you to do-ask Him, and he will gladly tell you." - James 1:5

Have you ever wondered why a particular situation was not going according to your plan? Have you ever wondered why your goals have not yet been met? Perhaps it is because your plan is not God's plan. Perhaps your goals are not in line with God's goals for your life. Maybe you are trying to force things to work out when perhaps they should not. So how do we know when our will is one in the same with God's?

This was one of the questions that we discussed at last week's Bible study session. And, it is something with which I often struggle. I get on a good run in life and suddenly find I have left out one very important factor--GOD!

There are many good things that we could do in life, but not all of them are God's will for us. My challenge in this is figuring out which of those things are in God's plans for me and which ones are not. I have had to re-evaluate my priorities. I have had to take my decisions to God. I have also discovered that I have often been out of line--out of line with God's will for me. So I am working on being in line with God's will for me.

The Scriptures tell me that God's will is perfect not necessarily Sarah's will. God has already made plans for my life. The Bible also offers advice as to how to "figure it all out". There are many avenues to travel in order to seek advice in discerning God's will for our lives.

"Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed" (Proverbs 15:22). God places people in our lives who could offer us clarity when the way becomes foggy. We really should take advantage of that. you know, two heads are better than one!

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind" (Romans 12:2). Sometimes it's a matter of renewing my mind, of getting it out of my head that it has to be just so. I don't know about you, but sometimes when I get something in my mind, I will fight to make it come to be. I will rationalize decisions, rearrange priorities all to try make something happen that maybe should not. Often, if I quit fighting the situations and "renew" my mind, I can see more clearly. The decision becomes easier and the path more in line with God's will for me.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:6-7). This is my greatest challenge in aligning my will with God's...not being anxious!

But, I have found that in the simple but very important act of prayer, so many of the pieces of the puzzle fall into place and the road map becomes clear. In bringing my plans to God in prayer, I have an opportunity to renew my mind. And in doing this, I am able to think with God at the center of the plan. This sometimes opens the door for me to be open to advice from trusted individuals. and that often gives me another stance on the whole situation.

Have you ever been struggling with a decision and suddenly felt very uneasy about the choice you made? Have you ever been struggling with a decision and then felt a calm peace wash over you? I have experienced both, and I feel that in both God was trying to communicate with me. I call those gut feelings my "God-feelings". Those gentle nudges and prods we feel in our hearts is the Holy Spirit trying to guide us. But, we have to be willing to follow.

For me, once I have been willing to meet my Savior in prayer and openly as His advice and heed it, my will becomes aligned with His. And once my will becomes the same as His, He grants me an awesome gift--PEACE. It doesn't mean that the will of God is a free ride. I still have to work; I still have to try; and sometimes I even struggle. But...the peace comes in knowing that I have meshed my will with God's; they are the same. I am living out God's will for my life and thus glorifying Him.

A Father's Embrace

2011-08-25T17:55:00.000-07:00

I so very much enjoy my time with "the girls" during our Bible study time. Each week I leave our gathering uplifted and restored. We share our sorrows and our joys; we share time together in the Word. And often times, I leave with at least one new perspective on things in life. The time we spend together has blessed me many times over.

nearly two weeks ago, our lesson was in depth with a review of thirty passages that reassured us of God's promises to us. One particular verse spoke to my heart with its visual imagery. Isaiah 41:13 states,"For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you." This passage brought some very powerful images to my mind.

It brought visions of a father and a child, the father holding the little girl's hand. and as the two stood together, her Father offered words of encouragement and reassurance. This is how I often view myself with God.

There are a lot of times that I need to be reassured. There are a lot of fears that I need my Father to calm. There are a lot of days when I just need to hold His hand and feel His presence. and if I will just let Him, he would help me.

To me, this is such a powerful image of my relationship with my heavenly Father. It is a comforting view, and I feel that this is the relationship God wants with me. He wants to be there to support me and encourage me. And, even be there to hold my hand if necessary.

This passage also brings images of a dad and his child to my mind. You know, there's nothing more reassuring for a frightened child than the embrace of his/her father. So it too can be with our heavenly Father. He longs for us to turn to Him. he wants to reassure us. he will hold us in His arms if only we will turn and run to Him. He desires that relationship with all of His children.

Recently I have fallen in love with a praise song entitled "Forever Reign". Many parts of the song are especially meaningful to me, but the chorus brings to my mind the images of the Father and His child.

"Forever Reign"
You are good, You are good
When there's nothing good in me
you are love, You are love
On display for all to see
You are light, You are light
When the darkness closes in
You are hop, You are hope
you have covered all my sin

You are peace, you are peace
When my fear is crippling
You are true, you are true
Even in my wandering
You are joy, You are joy
you're the reason that I sing
You are life, You are life
In You death has lost its sting

Dear Lord
I'm running to Your arms
I'm running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares
To Your embrace
Light of the world
Forever reign

You are more, You are more
Than my words will ever say
You are Lord, you are Lord
All creation will proclaim
You are here, You are here
In Your presence I'm made whole
You are God, You are God
Of all else I'm letting go

Dear Lord
I'm running to Your arms
I'm running to your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
nothing compares
To Your embrace
Light of the world
Forever reign

I'm running to Your arms
I'm running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will never be enough
Nothing compares
To Your embrace
Light of the world
Forever reign

My heart will sing
No other name
Jesus, Jesus
My heart will sing
No other name
Jesus, Jesus

My heart will sing
No other name
Jesus, Jesus
My heart will sing
No other name
Jesus, Jesus

Dear Lord
I'm running to Your arms
I'm running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will never be enough
Nothing compares
To Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

I'm running to Your arms
I'm running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares
To Your embrace
Light of the world
Forever reign

My heart will sing
No other name
Jesus, Jesus
My heart will sing
No other name
Jesus, Jesus

In those times that I am scared and need reassurance, I do have somewhere to turn...to my Father. Can you see the same picture that I did? When the world is crumbling around me, when I am totally overjoyed,...whenever...I can run to His arms. just as a father scoops up his child and embraces him or her in his arms, so too can our heavenly Father hold us.

He hurts when we hurt; He is happy when we are happy. he feels our disappointments and our sorrows. He rejoices in our successes. And, His arms are waiting to catch me as I run into His embrace. There is no other place like in the arms of my Lord that I would rather be. Like a dad's hug can comfort his child, God's embrace is waiting for you. All you have to do is run to Him.

Have You Had Your Daily Dose of SonLight?

2011-08-25T17:34:00.000-07:00

Well, the kids have struck again, but in a good way. My children have recently been the source of several of my entries and conversations. From their unwavering faith to the interesting, in-depth conversations, the availability of resources seem to be endless!

As we drove to church this past Sunday, my inquisitive Isaac began to question me about his latest series of thoughts. The question came,"Mom, is it always dark in space?" To which I replied, "It just depends on how close you are to the sun and whether or not you are facing the sun."

Satisfied with the answer I gave, the kids began to talk about other things. But my mind lingered a bit on my very basic response. How profound it was to me that the same response could be said to the question of the state of our lives, our hearts.

Very simply put, I could answer the same to the question of ,"Is it always dark in your life our in your heart?" Well, that depends on how close you are to the Son and whether or not you are facing Him. Wow! Is that not simple?! What a very easy to understand analogy!

Let's address the first part of my response--the proximity to the Son. The more we are in the Word, the more we surround ourselves with fellow Christians, the more we pray, the closer we get to the Son. "Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you."

But sometimes being close does not necessarily bring the light. Sometimes, we have to do more--like actually face the Son. We have to lift up our faces to take in the Light. Look at it like this, just being close to the sun offers light. But, if you are facing away from the sun, there will be shadows in the images that you see. Whereas, if you stood facing the sun, the shadows would be cast behind you.

Sometimes, we need only to lift up our face to feel and see the Light. Sometimes our perception is skewed because, while we are close to the Son, we are not facing the Son. When we turn and lift our faces, the Light allows us to see much more clearly. In John 8:12 Jesus states,"I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."

Like we need the sun for our bones to grow strong, so too do we need the Son for our souls to grow strong. Have you heard the latest medical recommendations? sun exposure without sunscreen in very small amounts is healthy for us. But, unlike the sun, our son exposure need not be limited. In fact, we don't even need "Sonscreen"; the more Son exposure we have, the better.

It's when we begin to limit our time in the Son that we find our souls growing weak and diminishing. they become ill and require a visit to the Great Physician. He will probably prescribe daily doses of the Word and plenty of Son exposure. So, as you get your daily dose of sun, don't neglect your soul's daily dose of the Son!

Spring Cleaning of the Heart

2011-08-25T15:11:00.000-07:00

"Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast Spirit within me." - Psalm 51:10

So, I began a huge project in our "front room" of our house. It is the formal living room, but we use it for many purposes. it is the home office, library, piano room, and part of the kids' play area housing their desks. This room also has a fireplace that, until recently, was covered up by boxes of papers that needed to be sorted and either filed or thrown away. I had been asking my husband for help for ages, but the project remained untouched.

So...I took it on and began the purging of our front room. As I was going through years and years of accumulated "stuff", I couldn't help but see an analogy to my heart. in the same way we had quickly shoved stuff into boxes to "go through later", I have to also put my emotions or hurt feelings or anger into boxes to be gone through later.

But you see, those boxes just get shifted around from place to place and even gather more stuff in them. Those boxes began to multiply in number so much so that they were beginning to encroach upon our space. They had become an eyesore, bothersome, and cumbersome. To accomplish anything, I first had to shift those boxes around, and then move them back.

So it is also with my heart...as I put emotions into boxes to be gone through later, my heart becomes very cluttered and burdened. I crowd it with years of built up "stuff" and make it difficult to maneuver around inside it.

As I sorted through those boxes, I sast contemplating the spiritual meaning behind it. I must have filled 10 or more garbage bags with stuff and shredded papers. I threw away 4 cardboard boxes once emptied. I marveled at the sheer amount of trash that we had been holding onto for so long until "we went through it later". And then I thought about what God wants for our hearts.

We all need to sort through our hearts. it is my feeling that God does not want us to hold onto things until a later date. just as our front room had become cluttered and a burden to clean around, so too can our hearts become cluttered and burdened.

In order to clean, i had to add extra effort to the process to shift boxes back and forth. In the same way can our "boxes" in our hearts create extra work for us. We have to carry them around, move them to make room for other things, and we may even forget what all of them were for to begin with. They begin to crowd out the good and positive things.

I can't imagine that our Heavenly Father would want us to unnecessarily burden ourselves. He wants us to regularly clean out the boxes in our hearts and let go of some stuff and maybe even get rid of some of the boxes! We need to routinely do some sorting and filling and throwing away. just as our front room needs to be regularly sorted through, so too do our hearts. Because let's face it, if I do not keep up with that front room, it will very quickly return to its previous condition. If we do not routinely cleanse our hearts, they too will return to their previous states.

Psalm 51:7-12
Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
Hide your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquity.
Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore me to the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

It's our Lord's desire for His children to meet him daily for our clean-up. We don't have to do it alone; we need only ask for His helping hand. So before i become crowded out with cluttered boxes of unsorted emotions and events, i will visit my Father for a little reorganizing and cleansing. Will you?

Never Alone

2011-08-25T14:34:00.000-07:00

"For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them."-Matthew 18:20

At one of our Bible studies, we found, as we often do, ourselves wandering off and taking turns sharing and venting. As we finally began our time of study and discussion, we found that we weren't really so far off track. In fact, a lot of what we had been sharing was being addressed in our lesson that night.

As we closed that night, we all acknowledged that our time together had not been coincidental. In fact, we all felt that it was very much intentional! The Spirit worked in and out and through our gathering that night. he worked in our very hearts. What a privilege and blessing it was for me to have been a part of that experience with those ladies! And at another gathering, we found ourselves taking turns sharing our joys, sorrows, and frustrations. We spent hours in the shelter of our group of Christian women.

So many thimes I have left our meetings uplifted and less burdened. So many times I have felt that our group is exactly what God wants for us, his children: the fellowship found only when we gather in His name. there is a peace that cannot be found anywhere else. There is a comfort within our hearts and fulfillment in our souls. This is what God wants; this is what the Scripture tells us. That sense of peace, comfort, and fulfillment comes from the Holy Spirit, God with us. This reminded me of a new favorite song, "Shelter", by Jars of Clay.

"Shelter"
To all who are looking down
Holding onto hearts still breaking
For those who've yet to find it
The place is near where love is moving
Cast off the robes you're wearing
Set aside the names that you've been given
may this place of rest in the fold of your journey
Bind you to hope
You will never walk alone

In the shelter of each other
We will live
We will live (Never walk alone)
We will live
We will live (Your arms are all around us)

If our hearts are turned to stone
There is hope we know the rocks will cry out
And the tears aren't ours alone
Let them fall into the hands that hold us
Come away from where you're hiding
Set aside the lies that you've been living
May this place of rest in the fold of your journey
Bind you to hope
We will never walk alone

In the shelter of each other
We will live
We will live (In the shelter)
We will live
We will live (You will never walk alone)
In the shelter of each other
We will live
We will live (In Your arms are all around us)
In the shelter of each other
We will live
We will live (In Your arms are all around us)

If there is any peace
If there is any war
We must all believe
Our lives are not our own
We all belong
God has given us each other
And we will never walk alone

In the shelter of each other
We will live
We will live (We will never walk alone)
In the shelter of each other
We will live
We will live (In the shelter)

In the shelter of each other
We will live
We will live (Your arms are all around us)
In the shelter of each other
We will live
We will live (In Your arms are all around us)

In the shelter of each other
We will live
We will live (In Your arms are all around us)
In the shelter of each other
We will live
We will live (In Your arms are all around us)

In the shelter of each other
We will live
We will live
(In the shelter of each other we will never walk alone - never walk alone)

Imagine the life we could have if we would live each day in the promise of His presence where two or more are gathered in His name. If we surround ourselves with fellow Christians, the joys can be beyond measure. What a gift we could be to one another. We will never walk alone as long as we have each other. and we will all be surrounded by the embrace of our Heavenly Father.

Sometimes I need a pick me up and find myself down and out. Then God places someone in my path. Some days it's a friend, others, it's a total stranger. But always I know that I have been in the presence of the Lord. We should be aware that we may sometimes be the person placed in someone's path.

God can use us for His work as long as we are willing. We must be open to let the Spirit work within us so that we can share God's love with others. We are His instruments. He has given us each other so that we will never be alone. That was His design.

Imagine a shelter: a cabin or a hut or a dug-out, etc. A shelter's purpose is to offer protection. To view the fellowship of Christians as a shelter is a powerful image. It means that in those fellowships we are protected--we find peace, hope, joy, comfort, and rest. We were designed with the purpose of being there for one another. Our Father does not wish for us to be alone. Alone, we are left unprotected, weary, restless, afraid, and down-hearted.

As Christians, we need our times of study and Christian fellowship just as much as we need air to breathe. The more we surround ourselves with each other, the more the Holy Spirit moves in, around, and through us. It is a joy beyond measure and a peace beyond words that i receive when I gather in His name with others. As I close, I am reminded of a saying someone once shared with me:

Shared joys are double joys.
Share sorrows are half sorrows.

This was truly god's plan for us--we were never meant to be alone. As long as we believe and continue to gather in His name, we will NEVER be alone!

Have Faith Like a Child

2011-05-31T20:50:00.000-07:00

2Corinthians 5:7: We live by faith, not by site.

Hebrews 11:1: Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

Matthew 18:3: And he said, "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven."

Mark 10:13-16(vs. 15): I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.

It was bedtime on Sunday, march 27,2011. As per my usual nightly routine, I was lying down with my girls. It had been a rough night with Jacqueline's ears. We had begun to have some problems with her earring holes becoming infected. We had had to clean them very thoroughly, and it had been quite an uncomfortable ordeal for her.

She had gone privately in the bathroom for, what I thought, was her last potty trip. While lying next to me, she asked me why her ears still hurt after she had prayed to God in private (in the bathroom) for Him to heal them. I reassured her that her prayer was heard and that she needed to allow God time to heal her ears. To which she replied with her arms lifted and a huge smile on her face, "I just love God! i believe in Him even though I can't see Him or hear Him."

WOW! That was an absolute affirmation of my six-year old's faith. And...I was able to be in her presence to witness it. What a gift! What a blessing! How I absolution in her faith! In some ways, I envy her solidarity in her foundation of faith.

How often do I find myself faltering in the strength of my faith? I must admit that more often than I am proud to say, I have wavering moments. I never lose my faith, but have moments of doubt and fear. O how much my life could be blessed if I could just have the faith of a child. How many of my worries could be alleviated...How many fears relieved...

I began this entry with the story of my child's testimony as my inspiration. however, true to form, as I began to write, a song entered my heart and began playing in my head. It speaks the words that ring true to the theme of this entry..."have faith like a child". The title of the song is "Let the Children Come". The words are as follows:

The Kingdom of god belongs to such as these.
Have faith like a child for with this our God is pleased,
Our God is pleased, our God is pleased.

With faith like that of my daughter, why would God not be pleased?! We as adults could take some lessons from our children. They have much to offer when it comes to matters of faith! So, the next time I feel my faith faltering, I am going to try to remember to act like a kid again, to blindly put my faith in God and just know that He will take care of me and my needs!!

"Being Humbled Before God"

2011-05-05T19:18:00.000-07:00

Here lately, the words of a song in a prior entry have been speaking to my heart. I have received compliments throughout my life in different areas. I'm sure most of you have as well. However, more recently, the compliments, well-meant, have made me feel slightly uncomfortable. I found words that fully explain that feeling. A verse in "Sinner Saved by Grace" goes as follows:
How could i boast on anything
I've ever seen or done
how could I dare to claim as mine
the victories GOD has won
Where would I be
had GOD not brought me
gently to this place
I'm here to say I'm nothing but
a sinner
Saved by grace

Philippians 2:13 states, "God is working in you, giving you the desire to obey Him and the power to do what pleases Him." I have recently felt a change in my opinion of my talents/gifts. I have always felt very humble in the direction of my gifts, but never before have I felt humbled before my God for that with which He has blessed me. it is my desire now to give Him all the glory when I receive compliments. it is my desire to use those gifts to praise Him.

I have been trying to use things that I can do in a manner that would be pleasing to God. For instance, my writing ability. I have always know that writing came easily to me. it has served me well academically. However, only now have I recognized the need to use my gift to serve and praise God. i don't feel that I am some award-winning author. But I can't help but feel that there was more of a purpose to my capability than just acing my writing intensive classes. And who better to offer recognition for that talent? Not me, but God. it is because God has blessed me with the ease of writing, not by anything I myself have done.

In the same way, I feel that my gift of music is one that I should use to give glory to God. Maybe I'm not as good as others. I know that I'm not a professional level musician. That's not what God gave me. But, I do know that God gave me a certain level of musical talent. He blessed me with this gift so that I may in turn bless others with it.But, in doing so, I know that I must give credit where credit is due. I know that all that I have is a gift from God.

If there is anything that is good, it is God speaking/communicating through me. It is only with Him, that anything I have accomplished is possible. i cam humbled when I receive compliments, sometimes to the point of feeling uncomfortable. While very appreciative of any compliment, i also feel very unworthy. If I have touched anyone with my singing or my writing (or anything else for that matter), it is only by God's doing that he or she was touched.

My will for my life has changed. My passion in the the things I do has taken new life. i approach life in a different way. i quite often see things in a different light. Do these things sound like victories to you? I think so, but they are not mine. They are God's, for without him, I would have been totally lost long ago. Instead, He has allowed me to see things in a more positive light. he has helped me to overcome my challenges and shortfalls. He has done all of this and more for me. And by Him doing this, my new passion/zest/etc. has grown. By His gifts to me, I can return gifts to Him.

I can offer praise and thanks. I can sing His praise. i can share with you, through my writing, about what He has done in my life. i can do all this and more because of Him. But, the best/biggest thing I can do is to acknowledge that, while I have seen and done some awesome things, while I have had some great victories, the only way this was possible, the only way battles were won, was with God as my pilot. All of this was God.

And by acknowledging this and sharing this, God again blesses me. The more He gives me, the more I want to give Him. And the cycle continues. How can I not share this?! How can I not spread the news of my joy?! I have to do these things, but not for why you think...I have to do these things (sing, write, speak, etc.) because I cannot keep from crying out about the great things that my God has done for me!

The Challenge in Stopping to Smell the Roses

2011-03-26T13:37:00.000-07:00

"This is the Stuff"
By Francesca Battistelli

I lost my keys
In the great unknown
And call me please
'Cause I can't find my phone

This is the stuff that drives me crazy
This is the stuff that's getting to me lately
In the middle of my little mess
I forget how big I'm blessed
This is the stuff that gets under my skin
But I gotta trust You know exactly what You're doing
It might be what I would choose
But this is the stuff You use

45 in a 35
Sirens and fines
While I'm running behind
Whoa

This is the stuff that drives me crazy
This is the stuff that's getting to me lately
In the middle of my little mess
I forget how big I'm blessed
This is the stuff that gets under my skin
But I gotta trust You know exactly what You're doing
It might not be what I would choose
But this is the stuff You use

So break me of impatience
Conquer my frustrations
I've got a new appreciation
It's not the end of the world
Oh, oh, oh

This is the stuff that drives me crazy
This is the stuff...someone save me
In the middle of my little mess
I forget how big I'm blessed
This is the stuff that gets under my skin
And I've gotta trust You know exactly what You're doing
It might not be what I would choose
But this is the stuff You use

Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh
This is the stuff You use

This song has become my "Hymn All About Me"! I find myself in this mindset quite often. Oh how blessed I am! Blessed beyond description. I have so much for which to be thankful. And, yet, I still catch myself getting caught up in those little things that don't mean much in life. Why? Oh if I only knew the answer to that question!!!

If I could just stop and not get so stressed about it all, I might be able to see the bigger picture. Those things that bother me may be very intentional. God may be using situations for His will. Have you ever stopped to think about that concept? When you're stuck in that line with the slow cashier or you get stuck at a traffic light or, worse, you get behind a traffic accident, do you think about what God's purpose for you at that moment may be?

What if I tried to be the forever optimist? If I could find the good in all those detestable situations, I may be able to see God's purpose for me at that very moment in my life. Have you ever been running late, fussing as You fly out the door. But as you travel on your normal route, you come across a terrible accident. Or, worse yet, you realize that your route at your "on time" schedule was the same route of a natural disaster (flash flood, tornado, etc.).

What if, just what if God's intention was for you to be late?! Have you ever gotten a phone call that you may have missed if you were running on your schedule and not His? His ultimate plan may not be totally clear to us. It may not even coincide with our plan. But, if we are not open to divine intervention, we may miss out on so many of the great things that our Heavenly Father has in store for us.

In our Bible study we are looking at the topic of prayer. One of our lessons encouraged us to find some event that occurs daily (i.e. stopping at traffic lights, tying shoes, washing hands, etc.) and designate that as a time to pray. I encouraged our group to take one event and gradually add another and another to it. Eventually we could be filling those mindless moments with meaningful conversation with God! Oh, how happy He would be!!

Sometimes we need to (please excuse the cliche) "stop and smell the roses". In those moments when we are not finding things going our way, we need to stop and consider God's plans. We can take those mindless moments turned into meaningful conversation and recognize our many blessings. Rather than getting so anxious and irritated and impatient, we could attempt to count our blessings and find the positives.

Imagine how wonderful our lives could be if instead of dwelling on those little things that drive use crazy, we can focus on all the good in our lives. In so many situations, we could be happy rather than sad. We could be excitedly waiting God's next move rather than anxiously recounting what has gone awry. We can find what has one right rather than focus on what has gone wrong. What a challenge for me!! But I can recognize what a little effort on my part can ultimately offer me...peace, joy, happiness, all trust in my Lord. I'm willing to accept the challenge. Are you?

Here Am I

2011-03-05T12:52:00.000-08:00

Isaiah 6:8 "Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?"

I think we all ask this type of question at some point in our lives. We are looking for whom it is God is calling when the honest truth is we should be looking in the mirror for that person. We need to own up to that call sometimes in life. There are times that that call is for us. We need to heed that call despite our fears and hesitations about the unknowns. It is okay to be nervous about where God is leading us or calling us to go.

Sometimes God's call leads us to the road less-traveled. Sometimes it's that all too familiar road. Always it is a call to a journey of faith. We have to follow His call trusting that He will provide. This doesn't mean that the trip will be easy. And it definitely does not mean to sit back on our haunches and wait for God to make it all work.

God's call in our lives may change. He may take us from one career to another. His call may lead us to a different hometown. His will may be for us to be right where we are. Whatever the message, we have to be ready and willing to hear it. And, at times, we have to accept that perhaps God's plan for our lives is not one in the same as our own plan.

I feel that there is nothing wrong asking God about His plan for us. But, we must be prepared to hear His answer, whether it is one we like or not.

Have you ever felt those prompts to do things? Take for example this: You have the talent, gift, of singing but have not chosen to commit to singing in the choir. Or yet another: You desire and long for a time of Christian fellowship and Bible study but have not volunteered to set up a study or have not committed to attending one. Another prompt could be the gift and love of working with children but you have not volunteered your services in that direction.

Or, the "prompt/nudge" could be bigger. It could be that you feel the push to move into another career. Or, it could be that the career that seems to have chosen you requires sacrifices: money, time, etc.

These prompts or nudges are not just some gut instinct. In my heart, I feel that they are provided by God as road signs to lead us in the right direction on our journey on the road of life. Just like a journey, we can end up on a detour or attempt some sort of a short cut. And, just like on a trip, we could end up lost.

We need to remember that God provides road maps for us through the Scriptures. He provides gas station attendant assistance/information in the form of trusted Christian persons. He does not send us out on this trip without preparation. He does not turn us loose with no assistance or counsel. But, He also does not do the work for us. He gives us what we need for the journey; we have to choose to use it.

I don't necessarily have a song that spoke to my heart for this entry. The Scripture passage is what grabbed my attention. As I have begun to face many cross-roads in my own life, I am reminded of Isaiah's commissioning. When God asked whom He should send, Isaiah stepped up to the plate and said, "Here am I. Send me!" I am forced to evaluate where God is calling me in life as a wife, as a mother, as a leader, as a follower.

Have you thought of that lately? Where is God calling you in life? Are you listening for Him? And if He calls, will you heed his direction? And one last thought, are you ready to answer as Isaiah did with "Here Am I. Send me!"?

"If you want to know what God wants you to do--ask Him and He will gladly tell you."
James 1:15

"Sinner Saved By Grace"

2011-02-07T20:47:00.001-08:00

The New Testament resounds with the good news--WE ARE SAVED. There is forgiveness found in our Lord through His ultimate sacrifice. That is the message in another song entitled, "Sinner Saved By Grace". It, too, is in the choir's Easter cantata.

Last night during practice, I couldn't help but raise my hands in praise as I sang those words. It was such a truth to my heart. I am very aware of my humanness and short falls. I am NOT perfect, nor do I feel that I am even close to it. I know that I make mistakes, but I also know that I can improve upon them with God's help. I'm just a sinner saved by grace (as the song said).

I do not place myself in the position to judge anyone. Those who have wronged me are afforded the same forgiveness form God as I am. So, why should I not forgive them as well? If we all held the Lord's Prayer in our hearts on a daily basis, it could literally transform us.

Who are we not to offer forgiveness or judge each other? How can we hold others' short comings against them and turn to God and expect forgiveness for ourselves? We can, but how hypocritical of us, right?! The words we pray are "...forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us." We are no different than our neighbor. We are all just sinners saved by grace. That should be a very humbling concept for all of us.

I know that I need to work on forgiving. i have a very difficult time moving past the hurt that I felt, and in some cases, still feel. But, Jesus did not hold anything against us when He went to the cross. He simply stood in our place before God. If we ask God for forgiveness, and truly change our behavior, it is given. Why should we not do the same for each other? There is NO reason not to if we are truly honest with ourselves!

We are all humbled before God through Jesus' sacrifice on the cross. We all stand forgiven only by the grace of God. We did nothing to deserve it, yet it was freely given to all who would receive it. We all stand the same before our God--sinners saved by grace. Praise God for the gift of grace. Praise God that He forgives!

"In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace." Ephesians 1:7

If you could see
What I once was
If you could go with me
Back to where I started from
Then, I know you would see
A miracle of Love that put me
In its sweet embrace
and made me what I am today
Just an old sinner
Saved by grace

CHORUS:
I'm just a sinner
Saved by grace
When I stood
Condemned to death
He took my place
Now I live and breathe in freedom
With each breath of life I take
Loved and forgiven
Back with the living
I'm just a sinner
Saved by grace

How could I boast on anything
I've ever seen or done
How could I dare to claim as mine
The victories GOD has won
where would I be
Had GOD not brought me
Gently to this place
I'm here to say I'm nothing but
A sinner
Saved by grace

I'm just a sinner
Saved by grace
When I stood
Condemned to death
He took my place
Now I live and breathe in freedom
With each breath of life I take
Loved and forgiven
Back with the living
I'm just a sinner
Saved by grace

Now I grow and breath in freedom
With each breath of life I take
I'm loved and forgiven
Back with the living
I'm just a sinner
Saved by grace
Saved by grace

Can you say, "AMEN!"? I can...AMEN!!

"Broken Into Beautiful"

2011-02-07T20:33:00.000-08:00

That's the title of the latest song to make its way into my heart. I had never heard the song before my choir began its Easter cantata. During a rehearsal as I sang the solo, I found myself fighting back tears. Read those words written by Gwen Smith--

She's smiling on the outside
But she's hurting on the inside
It's getting hard just living anymore
And the shadows she has clung to
Painful things she has been through
Have left her feeling worthless, Lord...but

You change worthless into precious
Guilty to forgiven
Hungry into satisfied
Empty into full
All the lies are shattered
And we believe we matter
When You change broken into beautiful

We live with accusations
Sometimes heavy expectations
That tell us we can never measure up
and yet You repeat with mercy
That in Your eyes we are worthy
At last we see how much we're loved cause

You Chance worthless into precious
Guilty to forgiven
Hungry into satisfied
Empty into full
All the lies are shattered
And we believe we matter
When You change broken into beautiful

Though we can't wee how we can stand before You Lord
And feel valued, priceless and adored

So many times, this past year especially, I have stood before my Lord feeling very broken. I have been there before...feeling worthless, like I can't life up to those heavy expectations. But oh the joy that filled my soul when I finally took my burdens to my Lord's feet. When I laid them there, I left them saying that I could no longer bare them on my own. When I rose from His feet, I was renewed and found strength to make it through the storm.

yes, that was a huge challenge, having to admit I needed help. But, the bigger challenge is facing the fact that I need to admit it on a daily basis. I need to remind myself to daily visit with my Lord.

Human nature is to tend to decrease the amount of time spent in prayer until the going gets tough. Then we suddenly feel so vulnerable and find ourselves panic-stricken. We run to the Lord with our messes and broken pieces. And guess what?! He loves us anyway. He fixes us, cleans the messes, puts the pieces back together. And He will always be there for us. However, don't you think that He would much rather us come daily for our minor repairs than wait for a total break-down?

We need daily renewal. We need to seek His face always. We need to lay at His feet regularly. His presence in our lives and in our hearts will give us the strength to make it through. But for those times when we don't...

Remember that He can always take the bad and turn it around. He can take the worst situation and make something broken into something beautiful!

Unshakable, Indescribable, Everlasting Hope

2011-02-07T19:44:00.000-08:00

There are many times that I don't feel so unshakable. There are many moments that I do not feel so strong, much less hopeful. While I may feel broken, down-trodden, or shaken to the core, God's promise of hope is still there. It is untouched by the rough events of life. It certainly is unshakable.

There are moments in life when we wonder where God is in all of our hurt. Some may even question if there even is a God. After all, how can a loving God, as He is described, allow such horrible thing to happen to His children. How and why are questions that ring loudly for all of us at certain times in our lives. God's HOPE for us is totally indescribable because it is there for us no matter what. We cannot fully explain it or adequately describe the power of it, but it is there AND it is ours to have.

There is no expiration date on God's hope. It is abundant and always available. It has no end. It is eternal, EVERLASTING. And, it's near to all of us.

My recent thoughts of hope have been prompted by a recent viewing of a Louie Giglio DVD. I watched that first part of his message entitled "Hope When Life Hurts Most". His message addressed "real" hurt...hurt that rocks your world, makes you question your faith, wonder if there really is a God. Have you ever felt hurt that deeply? I know I have had experience with hurt that rocked my faith. I asked the infamous question "Why?"

I felt my faith waiver when Layton, my nephew, was first diagnosed with cancer. I felt it begin to crumble as I saw so many other children losing their battles with cancer. How could God let these innocent children suffer so? I forgot most of my doubts and questions as Layton recovered and entered remission. it was not until Erynn, our niece, died that those questions resurfaced with a vengeance. The hurt, the doubt, the anger...they were real, deep, and tested my faith in the hope God has for His children.

But from Louie Giglio, I was able to also see that there is a purpose in our hurt. God can make good from our bad and provide us with the hope He so longs for His children to has. The hope is there. Sometimes the hurt can overshadow it. But remember, it is, after all, unshakable, indescribable, and everlasting. in both of my situations, the hurt greatly impacted me, but the hope I found...WOW!!

In the situation with Layton, there were many revelations of hope. I became connected to other children through their Caring Bridge websites. Through the deepest dark moments of their children's lives, many of these parents became witnesses to the Word of God. They found hope in Christ at their weakest point in life. Through their grief and pain, they brought people to the hope given to us through Christ and His death on the cross.

One particular child comes to mind. I spoke of him in my last blog entry. Dax lost his battle with cancer at the young age of 2. His mom has continued to blog on his website since his death. She has shared her gut-wrenching emotions with all who read it. There has even been a person who said that a loved one had come to know Christ through the blog.

But she also shared her wish, her goal to raise enough money to run St. Jude Hospital for an entire day $1.6 million. She has had large support from her community. Here recently, Matthew West also held a concert in Dax's hometown all to raise awareness for his Mom's cause for St. Jude. How amazing the reach that Dax's story has had. That is HOPE! The hope is there in spite of the pain. The hope is there beyond the pain.

Erynn's short life was not in vain. Prior to her and her twin's very premature birth, their parents were not very active in church. As the girls became stronger, my sister-in-law began to regularly attend church. Shortly after she began regularly attending with their three children, her husband began to go with them. Finally, they as a family were building a life with God at the center of it!! The girls were dedicated in this church. The members of that church became extended family. This was the foundation they needed before facing the darkest days of their lives.

I firmly feel that the miracle of Erynn's and Reagan's lives brought their parents closer. I also believe that God's purpose for Erynn was to bring her parents back to Him. She taught so many of us how to love unconditionally and love every minute of life. The hope here was that the smallest of children brought her parents back to Christ. Think what a difference we as adults could make! What a profound change happened in this family's life--the HOPE of CHRIST through the CROSS!

Hope is real; hope is here; hope will never leave. All we have to do is lay our hurt at Jesus' feet. He will heal us. He will care for us. He will give us hope.

Blue Christmas

2011-02-07T19:16:00.000-08:00

Several years ago, our church offered a "Blue Christmas" service. This service was designed for people who were not merrily celebrating Christmas. Some people were grieving the recent loss of a loved one. Some were remembering loved ones gone long ago. Some were emotionally not merry about the holidays. Others may have been facing financial hardships, thus making the holiday very depressing. Whatever the reason, the service offered traditional hymns of healing, a comforting message of hope, and a time that these hurting persons could escape the overly jubilant time of the season.

A recent song by Matthew West, "One Last Christmas", makes me remember those who are hurting during this time of year. While most of us are celebrating at gatherings with great joy, some are grieving and hurting deep within their souls. This song was written in memory of a sweet child who lost his struggle with cancer. He absolutely loved the Christmas season. His parents received news that he would not make it to see another Christmas. So, they made the decision to decorate for Christmas in the fall so their son could celebrate Christmas one last time.

My point of this entry is to acknowledge that while most of us are celebrating during this joyous time of year, others of us are struggling--with hurt, with grief, with anger, with loss. We should be aware of others' feelings. We should pray for them. We should respect their emotions, not condemn them for how they feel. Maybe one day, their struggle will ease, and they may be able to enjoy the season for its true reason--God's gift of His Son to us.

I will close with the words of the Matthew West song, "One Last Christmas". It is my prayer for you to either find peace during this season or to support someone who is struggling during this time of year.

"One Last Christmas"

It's the news no one hopes for,
Every parent's greatest fear
Finding out the child you love so much
Might not make it through the year

Now the thought of spending Christmas
Without him just feels wrong
They've been praying for a miracle
Now they're praying he can just hold on

CHORUS:
For one last Christmas, one last time
One last season when the world is right,
One more telling of the story
One more verse of Silent Night,
They'd give anything so he could have
One last Christmas

Middle of September
Still seventy degrees
Daddy climbs up in the attic
Brings down candles
Hangs the lights on all the trees,
Then the neighbors started asking
And pretty soon word got around
First it was the neighborhood,
Before too long they lit up that whole town

For one last Christmas, one last time
One last season when the world is right,
One more telling of the story
One more verse of Silent Night,
They'd give anything so he could have
One last Christmas

Twenty-seventh of October,
His time was wearing thin
Friends and family, even strangers
That they didn't know brought presents in
He was weak but he was smiling
Like there was nothing even wrong
They said he wouldn't make it,
Looks like he got to see it after all

For one last Christmas, one last time
One last season when the world is right,
One more telling of the story
One more verse of Silent Night,
They'd give anything so he could have
One last Christmas.

A Tribute

2010-12-27T13:59:00.000-08:00

"Precious Child" by Karen Taylor-Good

In my dreams you are alive and well,
precious child, precious child
In my mind I see you clear as a bell,
precious child, precious child
In my soul there is a hole
that can never be filled.
But in my heart there is hope
'cause you are with me still.

In my heart you live on,
always there, never gone.
Precious child you left too soon
and though it may be true
that we're far apart,
you will live forever in my heart.

In my plans I was the first to leave,
precious child, precious child
But in this world I was left here to grieve,
precious child, my precious child.
In my soul there is a hole
that can never be filled.
But in my heart there is hope
and you are with me still.

In my heart you live on,
always there never gone.
Precious child you left too soon
and though it may be true
that we're far apart,
you will live forever in my heart.

God knows I want to hold you,
see you, touch you.
And surely there's a heaven,
so someday I will again.
Please know you're not forgotten until then.

In my heart you life on,
always there, never gone.
Precious child you left too soon
and though it may be true
that we're far apart,
you will live forever in my heart.

I came across this song when helping my sister find a song for a funeral. Amanda is very talented and has written choreography many times for our church's liturgical dance team. On this particular occasion, she was dancing for an even harder event--the service to celebrate the life of a young girl. Mattie was a special friend to the Burrow family that my nephew, Layton, met while at St. Jude Children's Research Hospital.

When Mattie relapsed for the last time, her parents began planning for the service. They asked Amanda to dance for the service. When I came across this song, I sat and listened and cried. Never had I felt such deep sorrow as when we experienced the loss of our niece, Erynn Lee Hebert. This song reopened those still fresh, deep wounds.

I have not spoken in depth about just how exactly the loss of one of her twin daughters made my sister-in-law feel. However, this song has to come close to some of those feelings. I know the words rang true to this broken heart of an aunt.

As the year anniversary of Erynn's death approached, this song found its way into my lap by way of a book with songs for funerals. As I read the words again, I found myself shedding tears. I found myself struggling, wanting to know answers to some of life's most difficult questions. I had not felt this type of feelings until Layton's illness.

As a grown woman and mother, I found myself struggling with my own faith as I sat at Layton's bedside and watched him fight for his life. I can remember wishing for the faith of a child--to be able to just let go and trust, without effort, that God would take care of it all.

How could a God who loves His children allow them to suffer like this? The cliches of "what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger" angered me so much. All of those questions I thought I, as a Christian, would never ask suddenly surged up from within my deepest hiding places. I wanted to know why about everything. I felt my faith falter and suddenly felt lost despite my lifelong acceptance of Christ as my Savior.

As Layton recovered and went into remission for his lukemia at St. Jude Children's Research Hospital, I felt somewhat strengthened in my faith. I had never really considered myself to be a "fair weather" Christian, but it was sort of looking like that was the definition of me. I still had weak spots when it came to following the stories of Layton's friends. Three of the five of that group that began treatment together for various illness have passed away. The question of why one child but not another rang over and over in my head.

That question hit home one year ago on November 23rd when our niece, Erynn Lee, died after a struggle with illness. But this time the question was more personal to me. It was so difficult to celebrate the miracle of Layton when faced with the tragedy of Erynn. I really wanted to know the answer to the question of ,"Why does God take one child but not another?"

The answer will never be found. But, I take comfort in the promises found in the Book of Revelation--there will be no more night, no more pain, no more suffering, no more illness, no more cancer...WE WILL LIVE IN THE LIGHT OF THE LAMB! Like the song said, God knows our hurt and pain, our sorrows and our losses. He sees every tear we cry and knows our hearts. The promise of our faith is that, though we temporarily lose loved ones in death, we will live forever with them in a new Earth, a new Jerusalem.

Nothing can fill the void left behind by the death of a loved one, especially by the death of a child. But, we do have hope for a future with them in the presence of our Lord. I pray for any of you who may have experienced such a loss that you may find peace in the promises of the Word. Know that it's okay to get mad at God, know that it's okay to ask Him those tough questions. But also know that whatever amount your heart hurts, His hurts just as much if not more. We are His children, so when we hurt, He does too! Lean wholly on Him for His shoulders are strong and carry whatever the load. He will get you through the pain and hurt and loss. Remember His promises to us for our futures together in Heaven.

Forgiven

2010-11-25T04:52:00.000-08:00

What a powerful, stand-alone kind of word! Have you ever thought of the force behind it? It has been a magnet of sorts for me. i have been extremely drawn to the topic especially since last spring. If you think about it, forgiveness is the central theme throughout our faith. We received the ultimate forgiveness when Christ gave His life for the sins of mankind--the sins of the past, the sins of the present, and the sins yet to come. What a responsibility and what an awesome gift for us!

But with the gift of being forgiven, we also have a responsibility to forgive ourselves and others. While I have to admit that I find it difficult at times, I sometimes am more challenged in forgiving myself. I even find difficulty in accepting forgiveness from others. I sometimes fight that feeling of not being good enough for/worthy enough of forgiveness. it is so much more difficult to accept TOTAL forgiveness from our Heavenly Father.

In all honesty, we did NOTHING to deserve it. It was a gift given to us, His children, through the grace offered by His Son's sacrifice. WOW! Talk about really making me feel humble. God gives His forgiveness freely to undeserving me. All I have to to is accept it with the understanding that I will not only improve my actions but will also show the same grace to others. In a sense, forgiveness is sort of the gift that keeps giving. Perhaps by forgiving someone, that person can then forgive someone else. Or, maybe that person needs your forgiveness to be able to forgive himself/herself.

It seems so simple, right? But then why do I struggle so much with it? I don't really have any definite answers. But, maybe you also struggle with forgiveness. i know that for me, I sometimes fight with my own self; I continue to hold my past over my own head. Why? I don't know. But what I do know is that I cannot fully accept forgiveness if I can't let go of my own short comings. And if I can't accept forgiveness, how can I truly expect to offer it? It seems to be a round and round cycle of sorts. So, my solution...PRAY!!!

I need to pray daily for all areas pertaining to forgiveness--accepting it, offering it, asking for it. When I was battling with so many issues this past spring, a Sanctus Real song spoke to my heart. So many things made more sense to me in my journey into FORGIVENESS!

"Forgiven" by Sanctus Real
Well the past is playing with my m heart
And failure knocks me down again
I'm reminded of the wrong
That I have said and done
And that devil just won't let me forget

In this life
I know what I've been
But here in Your arms
I know who I am

I'm forgiven. I'm forgiven.
And I don't have to carry
The weight of who I've been
'Cause I'm forgiven

My mistakes are running through my mind
And I'll relive my days, in the middle of the night
When I struggle with my pain, wrestle with my pride
Sometimes I feel alone, and I cry

In this life
I know what I've been
But here in Your arms
I know what I am

I'm forgiven. I'm forgiven.
And I don't have to carry
The weight of who I've been
'Cause I'm forgiven

When I don't fit in and I don't feel like I belong anymore
When I don't measure up to much in this life
Oh, I'm a treasure in the arms of Christ 'cause

I'm forgiven. I'm forgiven.
And I don't have to carry
The weight of who I've been
'Cause I'm forgiven.

I had listened to that song so many times before this one particular day, but I had never really HEARD the message it spoke. When I listened with new ears, I heard so many truths. I had allowed the devil to make me question my deserving forgiveness. He waved my past in my face and kept knocking me back down making me feel like I could never get back up again.

I literally relived my days in the middle of my nights. I would cry myself to sleep, when sleep finally came. i felt unworthy and allowed others to keep me down. Instead of bringing my burdens to Christ, I tried to carry them on my own. I soon felt as if I was bearing the weight of the world on my shoulders. As soon as I allowed my Lord to relieve my load, I was able to focus better. I began to realize that I had to forgive myself for my own past.

You see, the events of last spring opened wounds that I had forgotten. I thought I was beyond my past mistakes, but by not acknowledging them and forgiving myself for them, the devil had opportunity to use them against me. At that point, I not only had to battle the present situation but was also fighting all of my past struggles as well. I recognized my inability to handle the situation and asked for help.

As I grew stronger, I began to recognize my need to forgive myself for my past failures. I needed to be able to see myself for who I am now: remade, beautiful, "a treasure int he arms of Christ". I did not have to carry my burdens alone. I, through the GRACE of God, had been forgiven long ago. As I face each new day, I remind myself of this blessing--I AM FORGIVEN! If I can remember this, i can face anything. I can handle scrutiny, criticism, slander. If I am honest with myself and God, I will be able to recognize my mistakes and seek forgiveness.

I recently purchased something to be a constant reminder of this blessing. it is a pewter ring that has the word "forgiven" etched on the face of the band. Etched on the inside of the band is a Scripture reference, Ephesians 1:7. "In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace." I still catch myself doubting my forgiveness or ability to be forgiven. But when I glimpse down at that ring, a smile crosses my face. Because, I know that by grace I am FORGIVEN. It is my hope and goal in life to be able to seek, offer, and receive the gift of FORGIVENESS whenever possible. After all, what better a gift to share with one another than the greatest gift with which God blessed us--His forgiveness!

Songs from the Soul

2010-10-25T19:20:00.000-07:00

Our church has experienced several deaths in the past six weeks. So, songs like "It Is Well" and "Great Is Thy Faithfulness" are fresh on my mind. However, stuck in my head today were the words "Then sings my soul, my Savior God to Thee..." At first I wondered why this song was so fresh in my mind. Then I remembered why--the choir si singing an anthem with "How Great Thou Art" in it.

What gets me the most is the profound nature of the words "Then sings my soul". Have you ever thought about the depth of those words? Have you ever stopped to think about the power behind those words?

I would define my soul as the inner-most part of my being. Describing a person as singin simply explains his or her actions. To me, describing my soul as singing simply explains his or her actions. To me, describing my soul as singing is an incomprehensible/undescribable depth of worship. It is the inner-most part of what I am breaking forth in song.

I have shared on more than one occasion how I worship thorugh song; I sing while praying; I sing when I am happy; I sing when I am sad. I find music speaks such volumes, and, when I am open to listening, God can speak to me through music.

I just cannot get past the power behind the concept of my soul singing. What an awesome level of praise: our souls singing, "How great Thou art!" As you look through the Bible, countless times passages speak of singing to the Lord or praising God with SONGS of praise. I would have to agree--for me I know of no better way to praise and worship than through song.

I was looking for a particular passage to affirm this and the words to this hymn. What I founjd was just how difficult it was for me to single out one passage in particular. By nature, the Psalms speak often to singing. For whatever reason, the 47th Psalm spoke to my heart today.

1 Clap your hands, all you nations, shout to God with cries of joy.
2 How awesome is the Lord Most High, the great King over all the Earth!
3 He subdued nations under us, peoples under our feet.
4 He chose our inheritance for us, the pride of Jacob, whome he loved.
5 God has ascended amid shouts of joy, the Lord amid the sounding of trupets.
6 Sing praises to God, sing praises, sing praises to our King, sing praises.
7 For God is the King of all the earth; sing to him a psalm of praise.
8 God reigns over the nations; God is seated on his holy throne.
9 The nobles of the nations assemble as the people of the god of Abraham, for the kings of the earth belong to God; he is greatly exalted.

Close your eyes and imagine the power and volume behind 100 voices singing together. Now take it one step further, imagine the voices of the people are rising up from their innermost beings--from their souls. That's what God longs for the souls of His people lifting songs of praise and worship and honor to Him. The next time I lift my voice, I will lift it from deep within me, from my soul. Will you let your soul sing, too?

The Grace of Being Remade

2010-10-25T15:28:00.000-07:00

"You Are More" by Tenth Avenue North

There's a girl in the corner
With tear stains on her eyes
From the places she's wandered
And the shame she can't hide

She says, "How did I get here?
I'm not who I once was.
And I'm crippled by the fear
That I've fallen too far to love."

But don't you know who you are,
What's been done for you?
Yeah don't you know who you are?

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
you are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

Well she tries to believe it
That she's been given new life
But she can't shake the feeling
That it's not true tonight

She knows all the answers
And she's rehearsed all the lines
And so she'll try to do better
But then she's too weak to try

But don't you know who you are?

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
you are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

'Cause this is not about what you've done,
But what's been done for you.
This is not about where you've been,
But where your brokenness brings you to

This is not about what you feel,
But what He felt to forgive you,
And what He felt to make you loved.

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

You've been remade.
You've been remade.
You've been remade.
You've been remade.

My most recent struggle has been trying to understand something that I probably never will: Why grace was afforded so abundantly to some but I was treated so ungraciously? That drive to comprehend something so incomprehensible can push me down a path of resentment and unending pain and disappointment. It can also create those shadows on the wall that I fear--self-doubt, insecurity, low self-esteem. If I am not careful, the feelings that are justifiably mine can consume me and welcome that darkness back into my life.

The song "You Are More" by Tenth Avenue North really touched me in my most sensitive places in my heart. At first it spoke to me personally. It helped me to understand that it does not matter what my past mistakes are; it does not matter what people have made me look like or how they have spoken ill of me. Jesus loves me; He has forgiven me; I HAVE BEEN REMADE! What a comfort to me to hear.

I know all of this to be true, but it sometimes helps me to have it reinforced. I have to remind myself that what others think or feel or assume does not matter. As long as I set my eyes on Christ and live with a hear for Him, I am doing what needs to be done. So as those shadows threaten to loom on the walls of my heart and as that "Boogie Man" tries to make himself larger than life, I draw on the promise of God's forgiveness and my new lease on life. I know that I am remade and that my God knows that.

I also feel a challenge through this song. While I find peace and comfort for my personal hurts, I also realize that I need to put the shoe on the other foot. I need to remember how I felt being incorrectly judged, feeling like I could not "prove" myself to receive grace. It is not my place to judge someone. I must remember that though I may feel hurt and anger toward someone, that does not mean that that person does not deserve grace. It does not mean that though someone does not show me grace that I should withhold it from him or her.

Because I am remade, I daily strive to be more like Christ. I want my heart to be purified by the Purifier of souls. As I put God first, the rest comes a bit more easily. It doesn't mean that I still don't question why I should show grace to someone who did not so readily show me grace. however, when Christ paid the ultimate price for God to bestow His grace upon us, He never asked God why He should give grace to those who did not do the same for Him. He simply gave His life so that grace could be given to all. That's the special quality of it--you don't earn grace or deserve it. It is freely and lovingly given. What a challenge for me to fulfill!!

That drive to comprehend the incomprehensible could very well become my own stumbling block, if I let it. But, I can also acknowledge it, work past it, and daily strive to be more like my Savior. What a gift I could give someone by showing them the grace I so longed for. What a gift I could give myself by doing it without questioning it!

Brothers, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against his brother or judges him speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgement on it. There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you-who are you to judge your neighbor? (James 4:11-12)

Chasing Your Boogie Man to Christ and Leaving Him at the Lord's Feet

2010-10-25T09:56:00.000-07:00

Here I find myself once again finding testimony in music...My inspiration comes from two songs in particular, "God Is Bigger" and "At Your Feet". I'll begin with the lighter side of my thoughts this time.

The first song, "God Is Bigger", is actually one written for children. It found its way into our vehicle by way of a free Veggie Tales CD from Chick-filet. Let me just stop and say how awesome I find it to have received a Christian CD with a kid's meal! Now, onto the words...You have to imagine the conversation of a child in reference to the things that cause him/her fear at night.

The child's solution is to "call the police". But a voice says, "You don't have to do that. You don't have to do anything." To which the child responds, "Why?" The voice says "Because..." and then the chorus goes as follows:
God is bigger than the Boogie Man
He's bigger than Godzilla
Or the monsters on T.V.
Oh, God is bigger than the Boogie Man
And He's watchin' out for you and me.

WOW! A very basic, fun children's song can be applied to us today as adults! Our things that go bump in the night, our boogie man, our monsters may be different than a child's. However, the message is the same for all of us--God IS watching out for us and He IS taking care of us!

I couldn't but chuckle when I first heard the song and thought,, "How cute!" But the more we listen to it, the more I listen to the message. As a child, things that make shadows on the wall are frightening. Imaginary monsters are scary. What a blessing for a child to be able to know this song's simple but powerful promise. What a blessing it will be for a child later in life to know this promise form God when he/she faces new monsters and boogie men.

This brought me back to the thoughts of my latest very dark time. I mentioned it in an earlier entry. My dark place had shadows on the wall--shadows of insecurity, shadows of self-doubt and low self-confidence. My dark place had a boogie man that brought me despair and depression. But then, I began to lean on the promise that God was watching over me and was taking care of me. And, slowly, the dark place became brighter and brighter until it was totally lit with Christ's love for me.

Was the boogie man gone? Were the shadows gone? No, but I could really see them in better light, see them for what they really were. Those shadows were not so big after all. And that boogie man, well, he was a pitiful little nothing of a creature. It became very evident that I had nothing to fear. Did everything magically get better? No.

In fact, in some ways, the real work had just begun. Once things were more clear and not so distorted, I was able to begin working through it all. I still have a lot of unanswered questions and hurt, but day by day these become less and less. The process was not originally a day by day process. In fact, it wasn't even an hour by hour process. At first, I had to work through it all minute by minute reminding myself to simply breathe.

As I leaned more heavily on God's promise to watch out for me and care for me, I found a renewed strength. I didn't have to bear it all on my own. The weight of my struggles was also shared by my Savior. Feeling less weighed down, less down-trodden, my spirits began to rise from the depths of my dungeon of hurt and pain. I found an increase in my self-confidence.

As I quit struggling to "do it on my own" and accepted the help from loved and trusted ones and allowed allowed God to shoulder my load, I began to believe that I could do it...I could do it by acknowledging that I COULD NOT do it with out God's help. I always believed and trusted God, but never had I had to be so dependent upon Him. Never had I had to so fully surrender myself.

Before my dark reached its depths, I had the opportunity to attend a Kutless/Casting Crowns concert. I was just beginning to face some struggles and went to this event with a heart yearning for some much-needed nourishment. My soul was searching for that closeness to God and His reassurance. When I left that concert, I left with my cup running over. I left with a calm. Little did I know that that was just the calm before the storm.

I guess that's why when the storm hit, I was totally caught off guard, or so I thought. That concert event gave me what I needed to draw on to make it through the eye of the storm to the other side. Did I come through with my "hair and make-up" in tact? No. The point is that though I looked as if I had weathered a storm (on the inside and the outside), I HAD WEATHERED IT! I survived it.

In fact with God's help, I not only survived it, I grew through the process. Though the forgiveness aspect has been tough, I am still working on it making a bit of progress each day. Each day I can release a bit more of my pain and hurt knowing that those who hurt me cannot take away the one sure thing in my life--my relationship with God. No matter what actions were taken against me, no matter what ill-words were spoken of me, those persons could not sway how my God loves me.

At the concert, I had many of what I call God moments. I was moved to tears countless times--tears of joy, tears of sorrow and hurt, tears of anger. But one song in particular spoke to my broken heart: "At Your Feet" by Casting Crowns. There are many times since that I have found myself needing those words. So much of the song seemed to be just for me. So, I am going to share it now with you.

"At Your Feet"
Here at Your feet, I lay my past down
My wanderings, all my mistakes down
And I am free
Here at Your feet, I lay this day down
Not in my strength, but in Yours I've found
All I need, You're all I need

Jesus, Jesus, at Your feet
Oh, to dwell and never leave
Jesus, Jesus, at Your feet
There is nowhere else for me
There is nowhere else for me

Here at Your feet, I lay my future down
All of my dreams, I give to You now
And I find peace, I find peace
Here at Your feet, I lay my life down
For You my King, You're all I want now
And my soul sings...

'Cause I am free (here at Your feet)
All I need (is at Your feet)
I find peace
We're at Your feet
We're at Your feet

And I am free (here at Your feet)
All I need (is at Your feet)
I find peace
We're at Your feet, we're at Your feet
We're at Your feet, we're at your feet

Here at Your feet, I lay my life down

What peace I found in this song! I began that night by letting things go and laying them down. i could no longer carry the weight of it all. I had to lay my life at Jesus' feet before I could take another step. This prepared me for what was to come, what would be some of the darkest days of my life.

When the dark closed in, I had to draw on that peace and strength that I had just discovered. I had to remind myself that in order to find the Light, I had to make my way to Jesus' feet. I had to place my life--my fears, my hurts, my joys, my hopes--at His feet. Then I only had to take His hand and look into His face. The strength began to rise inside me. The Light crept into my darkness. And, then I found true peace.

Building Stronger Christians with Simple Words of Encouragement

2010-09-15T14:07:00.000-07:00

1 Thessalonians 5:11: "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as you are doing."

A couple of weeks ago, there was some confusion dealing with some special food requests for my children while at school. Over the past two years, the pediatrician had written a prescription (for extra calories/fat) for whole milk for our triplets. We forgot to inquire about it again at this year's check up. When some comments were made in the line one day about not having the milk for them, the tensions began to rise.

I contacted the pediatrician to see if we were going to continue the whole milk another year. After I confirmed 2% was okay, I began to think more like a nurse than a mom. I am fully aware of the larger amount of food concerns for children these days (i.e. allergies, diabetic dietary restrictions, etc.). What a headache that must be for the food manager some days!

Then I began to think with my heart. What a thankless job that must sometimes be! So, I wrote her a thank you note and left it with the school nurse to deliver. I thanked her for accommodating our needs over the past couple of years. I acknowledged the difficulties and challenges that she must sometimes face. I told her that we noticed the work that it takes and that we so much appreciated how she was a part of a wonderful team of people who cared for our children while they were at school.

A couple of days later, I went to their school to have lunch with their class. I was in the line with them when the manager noticed me. She said something that I couldn't quite hear. As I made my way to the end of the line, she came out and met me. "I owe you a hug!" she said. We hugged, and she explained how her day was going horribly when she received my note. She said that it had lifted her up.

After this, I received an email notice from a Christian greeting card company, as I do once a week or so. This one in particular caught my attention. It was a reminder of the National Day of Encouragement. It also gave the Scripture for this devotion. That Scripture passage, though brief, spoke volumes to my heart. It very much described the story I shared above. And it also reminded me of how important it is for us to encourage each other.

The refrain to an older popular song comes to mind as I write this:
Lean on me, when you're not strong.
And I'll be your friend;
I'll help you carry on.
For, it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on.

While this doesn't specifically speak of encouragement, it does speak of the action/reaction phenomenon. We need to encourage and build each other up. You never know when you may be having a horrible day and stand in need of some encouraging words. Imagine what kind of a world we could have if we would only but lift each other up with encouragement and kind words?!

Letting Our Actions Show Our Hearts for Christ

2010-09-15T13:21:00.000-07:00

James 2:14-17: "What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, "Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed, " but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead." (NIV)

What a multitude of material for writing I have been blessed with over the past couple of weeks! Our lives have continued to produce surprise after surprise, some of them not so good!

After recovering from an unplanned fall and ankle injury, I had some outpatient surgery. After I had recovered enough to get on our riding mower, I jumped on an opportunity to cut our long grass. The children enjoyed some much-needed outside time. But, it was takiong a bit longer than I wanted to complete the job. Lunch time had come and gone, and I was finally beginning to wrap things up. i was mentally planning what I could possibly fix for a quick lunch for everyone. Grilled cheese is fast, but oh no, we have no bread and no cheese! Time for a grocery trip. Back to lunch...Well, I figured pizza was the next big thing. We didn't really have the money to splurge, but the convenience was more important right now!

So, as I began driving the mower to the shop, I enjoyed watching our husband with one of our sons. As I came to a stop, Josh was laughing. He told me that Isaac had said that he wanted to go to Pizza Hut for lunch. I said that I was going to order pizza anyway, so why not?! The kids were all so excited at the idea that there was no fussing when told to take baths.

As we walked in, there were some credits on one of those claw games. And, of all the luck, Craig snatched a toy on the first or second try. Naturally the other three wanted something, too. So Daddy promised that if they ate a good lunch, they could each try to get a toy out of the game. With it being so late, they were starving and ate more than a good lunch. So, as promised, Daddy went to pay for our meal and get change for the game. He was gone for several minutes and returned with a stunned expression on his face.

He said, "I don't know who this guy is, the bald man in the blue shirt. Do you? Because I think our children need to go thank him. He just paid for our entire meal!" WOW!! The oldest three went to thank the gentleman while our youngest suddenly decided she was shy and stayed with me!

Josh found out that he was once a mayor in a Texas city. He had resigned due to a career change that required him to be gone a lot. He was travelling through Jennings on business when he stopped at Pizza Hut for lunch. He said that watching the six of us walk across the parking lot to get inside reminded him of his own family and touched his heart. he touched ours as well!

This event prompted me to write. I found the passage in James that reminded me of our day. While we were not technically without food, this man's actions eased our burden of paying for that particular meal. In his faith, he acted. I'll close with the chorus of a very fitting song:
And they'll know we are Christians by our love, by our love
Yes, they'll know we are Christians by our love.

If we live in faith with a heart for God, our actions will tell the whole world that we are Christians.

Offering Praise and Thanks Despite Life's Hot Spots and Storms

2010-09-15T11:17:00.000-07:00

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." (NIV)

2 Corinthians 12:10 "That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (NIV)

Malachi 3:2-3 "But who can endure the day of his coming? who can stand when he appears? For he will be like a refiner's fire or a launderer's soap. He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver..." (NIV)

So...like most Americans, we are greatly feeling the money crunch. Pay cuts in our incomes have greatly impacted our household. But, we know that we are not alone in this area. Many of people in our country are facing situations like ours and so much worse. How easily we could become down-trodden.

Yet, what the Scriptures say is to praise the Lord in all situations. Through the good and the bad, God is always there by our sides. That in and of itself is worthy of our praise! WE ARE NOT ALONE!! Despite all of our hard times and difficulties, we have much for which to be thankful.

Personally, I am so thankful for my family. We have four miraculously healthy, beautiful children. We have a roof over our heads to call home. We have food to put on our table for meals. WOW! That is already so much for which to praise God! We have a beautiful church and a wonderful church family. And, we have the freedom to worship in our sanctuary and praise God, in the good times and in the bad times.

I have recently been through some of the hardest, darkest moments of my life. I began journaling my thoughts, my prayers, my fears, my joys. I began a diary to God. As I have come through those times and look back on my journal I realize it was at those lowest points that God's presence was felt the closest. When I surrendered and allowed myself to fully lean on Him, I found more strength. And despite still feeling down, I began to rejoice; I praised God. And what a blessing I gave myself by doing this.

I'm not saying that everything suddenly became all smiles and sunshine. I still had much to work through; however, I could praise God because He was there with me. I had sad parts, but I was able to see the good. I used that pain and hurt to grow...I grew closer in my relationship with Christ; I grew closer in my relationship with my husband; the two of us grew closer (as a couple) to God.

I don't feel that God caused these events that hurt me. however, as a dear friend once told me, God can make something beautiful from every situation. My friend also told me that those trials, "hot spots", were much like the heat that silver must endure while being refined. The refiner must hold the silver in the hottest part of the flame carefully watching so that it does not remain too long and become ruined. The refiner must keep a constant watch and must not remove the silver too soon either. And only when the silversmith can see his image in it is the silver refined and complete.

This analogy helped me so much. Those "hot spots" in my life were very painful, the very hottest of hot. And much like the silver, I needed refining. And, true to form, my Refiner never took His eyes from me. He remained vigilant in my refining process. And, once He again saw His image shining forth and reflecting from within me, my Refiner removed me from my "hot spots". How can we not praise a God whose promise is to always be with us?! How can we not offer praise for all He has done? How can we not offer praise for all He has not done yet? As I do in my everyday life, I found myself singing parts of songs as I wrote this. One chorus in particular rings true: "Blessed Be Your Name"
...You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be your name...
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name!
The song says "my hear will CHOOSE...". It is our choice to praise God in the good and the bad. God gives us free will so to choose not to praise Him in the bad times is our choice to make. But, oh the glorious blessing that comes from choosing to praise Him at ALL times of our lives!
Our God is an awesome God
He reigns from Heaven above
With wisdom, power, and love
Our God is an awesome God.
How true this chorus is! Our God is AWESOME and worthy of our praise. While He is all powerful, he is also all-loving. He never stops loving us. He is always with us, in the good and the bad. So, I encourage you to praise God in ALL things, in all times.

As I close, I'll leave you with one last set of lyrics by Casting Crowns ("Praise You in This Storm"). This song found a very special place in my heart when it touched my sister while she was caring for her son 2 1/2 years of age while he underwent cancer treatment at St. Jude Children's Research Hospital. We all face "hot spots" or "storms" in our lives. What a storm to have to weather: caring for your child during a life and death set of events!
As the thunder rolls, I barely hear You whisper
Through the rain, "I'm with you."
And as Your mercy falls, I raise my hands and praise
The God who gives and takes away.
And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands,
For You are who You are
No matter where I am.
And every tear I've cried,
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my hear is torn
I will praise You in this storm.
If Amanda could praise God in that storm of her life, how can I not praise Him in my tough times!? How can you not praise Him?

Watching for the Roadsigns and Listening for the Directions

2010-07-21T10:36:00.000-07:00

In my last entry, I told you how I was very touched by a devotion entry in the choir's weekly devotion book. That particular devotion addressed the calling of us by God today. Like the author, I felt that while I believe God still calls us today, I feel the call is different for each of us.

Another devotion from several weeks later spoke to me on a similar level. To me, it tied so many of my emotions together to focus on one central theme: "Be still and wait on the Lord". The Scripture passage came from JUDGES 6:17: "And he said to him, 'If now I have found favor with thee, then show me a sign that it is thou who speakest with me'. The author, Thomas L. Are, addressed the issue of the promise of God's guidance through life and the tough spots.

The author's question is "Where are the roadsigns?". While it is written that God clearly instructed others throughout history (i.e. Gideon, Moses, the prophets), we may not hear the call as clearly. Are stated that the lack of a clear voice leads him back to the resources upon which he has depended his entire life--the Bible, church, and reason. I can quite often identify with this.

Going back to my previous entry, I stated that God was still in the business of calling us today. He may call to us in different manners. But it is important to be still and wait on the Lord. Over the past several months, I have struggled with hearing God's instructions for me. I am wanting some roadsigns to make the way a bit more obvious. But, hey, who wouldn't want the way to be a little more clearly marked?! At least then, when the road becomes tough, we might find comfort in knowing how many miles are left.

As I make myself take the time and practice the patience required to "be still and wait on the Lord", I am able to see the way more clearly. I make some wrong turns, but I am able to find the roadsigns to get me back on track. As I follow the signs and trust the Lord, His call for me becomes more clear. Suddenly those whispers are more audible, the path is better lit, and I find ease in merging my will with God's in order to fulfill His purpose for my life.

Whispers From Above

2010-05-03T07:48:00.000-07:00

Whispers From Above

As I prepared to write this blog, I spent much time in prayer as to what to say. Many of you are aware that the choir has a time of devotion prior to each rehearsal. I had some dear friends give me a gift several years ago that I just began to use with the group. It is a devotion book entitled Please Don't Ask Me to Sing in the Choir! It is written by Thomas L. Are who was serving as the Senior Pastor of Shallowford Presbyterian church in Atlanta, GA at the time of publishing. Each entry has a different message and speaks through the heart of a musician, specifically a volunteer church choir member.

One passage particularly spoke to me and has stayed with me over the past several weeks. The Scripture message for this devotion came from 1 Samuel 3:4-5. If you read the first part of chapter 3 (vs. 1-1-), it tells of the lord calling Samuel. The Lord called to Samuel three times before Eli realized that it was God calling him. When Samuel went to Eli the third time thinking that the voice he heard was Eli's, the Bible tells us that it is then that Eli realizes that the voice is the Lord's. Eli then instructs Samuel how to answer the next time he is called.

The author of the devotion shares a message that he heard in church on this particular passage. He stated that the pastor said that God calls us today just as loudly as He called Samuel. However, the author wrote that for him, God called in whispers. I know it is that way for me. Not all of us hear God loudly speaking to us. In fact, many of us may even miss His voice if we are not listening for it. Thomas Are wrote that in many instances, the voice of God is natural and can be explained away, just like Samuel mistook His voice for Eli's.

God can speak to us through our everyday lives. For me, God speaks through song. It is through music, whether listening, playing, or singing, that I hear the Lord's voice. Sometimes, I am not listening carefully enough and miss that soft call. Other times, I am more focused and waiting for His voice. For you, it may be in the beauty of nature that you hear God's voice. it may be the laughter of children for someone else. It may be a time of fellowship for others.

The point is that God is still in the business of calling to us all. But, don't think that He isn't calling to you just because you don't hear Him as loudly as Samuel did. Instead, be still and wait. Be ready to listen when His voice does speak. The Psalms say this over and over again in one way or another. For example, Psalm 37:7 reads, "Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him..." And again from Psalm 37 the 34th verse, "Wait for the Lord and keep his way." The Lord is speaking to us day in and day out. We have to be open to hearing His voice and be ready to hear it when He speaks.